Watching the Children Grow

Last night, my husband registared our oldest two children for tball. This fall, my oldest will be going off to Kindergarden. My youngest is starting to parrot her sister. In the blink of an eye, they keep growing.

It was only 2 years ago, I could say I had three babies. Oldest to Youngest, my children are 3 years and 2 months apart. I literally had 3 in diapers. And now, as I am preparing to potty train my youngest...Where did this time go? I want to stop and bottle up what I have right now with them. I do not want these moments to slip away.

Next year my son will spend 8 hours everyday away from me. I am excited for him, and scared for him, and everything...but this will be the first time in his life he has spent more then a few hours one day here and one day there away from me. Not even weekly. I know he will be ok, it is me I am worried about.

As mom, it hurts letting them go. Knowing you will not be able to protect them always. It hurts letting them grow up, knowing one day they will just leave. I want to enjoy these moments. These....right now. They are sitting in front of me eating thier lunch. They are watching bugs bunny. Waiting for Grandma and Grandpa to come pick them up for a weekend stay, so my husband and I can go away for a little alone time.

That is another stranger occurance. I realize now, that one day it will be just us again. And that we must hold on tight to what we have in each other. So, that we can never forget why we love each other. No matter what people do, we can not let anyone drive us apart. We have to remember what brought us together in the first place.

One day, they will find someone to love. My oldest has a crush already. There is a little girl in his sunday school class who is about a year older then him. She and he "flirt" as much as kindergardeners can do I guess. Her mom and dad sing with me in choir and so her and her brother sit with my son and husband during church. He is so cute with her. He is huge for his age, so he is just her size. One day, it will not be "oh she is so cute." It will be..."this is the girl I am going to marry." And one day, even our little girls will be women. How does it all change so fast?

I just want it all to slow down. I want to just take a little time...and enjoy all 3 of them right now. I want to love every minute of every day. I am lucky to just have such wonderful children to love.

Stress and My RA

I cant help but just feel like I am out of spoons lately. I am just so tired. Stress takes its toll on me physically as well as emotionally.

To add to it, I am just not the type of person to fight back. I let people come into my life and take away my being okay. I let the stress get to me. And now, I just feel worn from it. I feel exhausted and I just need a break. I need the chance to relax.

I was reading the spoon theary link above, and I just started crying. It takes everything I have to make it through each day. To do just what I need to do. My dishes do not always get done, I can not lift the trash to take it out and it has to be done by someone else, I may fold the laundry but I can not lift it to put it away. I only have so much energy..and most days...There is never enough.

And when I have stress added to it, That alone takes away 1/3 of my spoons. Not only does it break my heart, it chips away at my reserve.

I do not understand people sometimes. I really do not. Why insist on making problems for people? Why try to stand in the way of someones marriage? why make trouble? And then, when you get in trouble for doing things you should not, Why do people insist on "getting back" at someone who did nothing to them in the first place. Expecially, when you do not even know who the heck this person is?

Beyond that, What am I to think? Who is to blame? And what does worrying and stressing about this cost the toll on my body. Is it ok that it depleates me? Is it ok that it chips away at me and my sanity? At what cost?

Always that question. At what cost?

First Day of Kindergarden

So, I have spent the day calling the school district and scheduleing Doctor's appointments. My oldest goes to Kindergarden next year. He is really excited. A year ago, We thought he would never go to school. He has sensory issues. But now, he is a changed child. I do not know what changed. Maybe he grew up.

Actually, I think he grew up while I was not looking. He used to fit literally in just one hand. He was so tiny. And now, He barely can sit on my lap. How did he get so big so fast?

His grandma got him a book called "The day before Kindergarden." Man, I cried reading it. HE is my little boy. And now, he is school aged almost. He will be going to the better public school in our small town. And he will ride a school bus! My little guy on a school bus. I keep thinking about how he wont use a car seat on it. Parinoid Mother syndrome.

he is so excited. All he keeps talking about is learning to read and his friends he will make, and playing on the playground. We have all day kindergarden here. I am actually happy about that...and a little worried. But I know he will do great. He is going to have a blast..

Now, If mom can just pick her heart up off the floor to finish getting him all registared to go.

Hurting the Ones You Love

Many times we hurt the ones we love without meaning to. We say things at thier expense. We would never say that of a stranger, but it becomes okay when it is someone we are suppose to love.

Why do we do this? Why does it just continue to hurt people we love. I just do not understand it all.

Palm Sunday Service

John 12: 16-19

16At first his disciples did not understand all this. Only after Jesus was glorified did they realize that these things had been written about him and that they had done these things to him.
17Now the crowd that was with him when he called Lazarus from the tomb and raised him from the dead continued to spread the word. 18Many people, because they had heard that he had given this miraculous sign, went out to meet him. 19So the Pharisees said to one another, “See, this is getting us nowhere. Look how the whole world has gone after him!”

The Lenten Carol by Steven Walters

Do you see how he rides through the city gates as a king with hsi head held
high? Do you see in his face any sign or trace that he knows he will soon have
to die? Surely he would of have known in his special way that they sought him to
crucify. Yet he rides unafraid through the sun and shade as "hosanana!" the
people cry.

Do you see how he goes to Gethsemane as the night winds begin to blow?
Do you see him on his knees near the olive trees as he prays for God's true will
to know? There are none who would blame him for staying free of a death so
painful and slow. Yet he knows he must see to his destiny, to his Calvary
He must go.

Do you see how he stands in the judgement hall as a captive with head bowed
low? Do you see how he fails to reply when assailed with blunt questions whose
answers he knows? Could it possibly be that his lot was cast to have failed as
savior and king? Yet we see in his eyes not the least suprise when they say he
must face death's sting.

Do you see how they take him outside of town to the hill to be crucified?
Can you stand there and hear every taunt and jeer? Do you see how he
painfully dies? Yet if all that he said when he walked thsi earth would be
treasured and held as wise. There is no way to doubt that the truth will out,
even now he prepares. even now he prepares, even now he prepares to rise!

Luke 19: 39-40

39Some of the Pharisees in the crowd said to Jesus, “Teacher, rebuke your disciples!”
40“I tell you,” he replied, “if they keep quiet, the stones will cry out.”

Ain't No Rock Gonna Should for Me by J. Paul Williams

Here comes the Lord ridin on a donkey with people wavign branches and
callin him "King." Here comes the Lord ridin through Jerusalem. If the
people dont should, the rocks will cry out! Rocks, keep silent! Jesus comes to
set me free. Rocks, keep silent! I'm gonna shout in victory! Rocks keep silent
Jesus reigns in majesty. Aint no rock gonna shout for me.

Here comes the Lord as thousands throng to see him. Children stand on
tiptoe to see the King. Here comes the Lord; excitement in the air.
If the people don't shout, the rocks will cry! Oh yes, the rocks will cry out!
Rocks, keep silent! Jesus comes to set me free. Rocks, keep silent! I'm gonna
shout in victory! Rocks keep silent Jesus reigns in majesty. Aint no rock gonna
shout for me.

Aint no rock gonna shout for me. Rocks keep silent! Aint no rock gonna
shout for me. Rocks keep silent Aint no rock gonna shout for me. Here comes the
Lord; hosannas fill the air. The people bow and worship the promised King!
Here comes the Lord. "Hosanna in the highest!" If the people don't shout, the
rocks will cry out!" Rocks, keep silent! Jesus comes to set me free. Rocks, keep
silent! I'm gonna shout in victory! Rocks keep silent Jesus reigns in majesty.
Aint no rock gonna shout for me. Aint no rock gonna shout for me. Aint no rock
gonna shout for me.

Matthew 21: 10-16

10When Jesus entered Jerusalem, the whole city was stirred and asked, “Who is this?”
11The crowds answered, “This is Jesus, the prophet from Nazareth in Galilee.”
Jesus at the Temple 12Jesus entered the temple area and drove out all who were buying and selling there. He overturned the tables of the money changers and the benches of those selling doves. 13“It is written,” he said to them, “ ‘My house will be called a house of prayer,’ but you are making it a ‘den of robbers.’”
14The blind and the lame came to him at the temple, and he healed them. 15But when the chief priests and the teachers of the law saw the wonderful things he did and the children shouting in the temple area, “Hosanna to the Son of David,” they were indignant.
16“Do you hear what these children are saying?” they asked him.
“Yes,” replied Jesus, “have you never read, “ ‘From the lips of children and infants you have ordained praise’?”

John 16: 16-22

16“In a little while you will see me no more, and then after a little while you will see me.”
17Some of his disciples said to one another, “What does he mean by saying, ‘In a little while you will see me no more, and then after a little while you will see me,’ and ‘Because I am going to the Father’?” 18They kept asking, “What does he mean by ‘a little while’? We don't understand what he is saying.”
19Jesus saw that they wanted to ask him about this, so he said to them, “Are you asking one another what I meant when I said, ‘In a little while you will see me no more, and then after a little while you will see me’? 20I tell you the truth, you will weep and mourn while the world rejoices. You will grieve, but your grief will turn to joy. 21A woman giving birth to a child has pain because her time has come; but when her baby is born she forgets the anguish because of her joy that a child is born into the world. 22So with you: Now is your time of grief, but I will see you again and you will rejoice, and no one will take away your joy.

Amazing Grace! Eternal Life! by Travis boyd

There is a love sent down to man, A rugged cross, a spotless Lamb. A life
laid down, a sacrifice, Amazing grace! Eternal Life! There is a hope
beyond the grave, With love so deep and power to save. Risign above all
earthly strife. Amazing Grace! Eternal Life! There is peace that all can
know. It calms the heart and heals the soul. "Come unto me," The savior
cries. Amazing grace! Eternal life! God so loved the world that He
gave His son for us to believe in Him. For the Son was not sent to condemn
the world but to save us from our sin. There is a home prepared for all,
Who on the name of Jesus call. A place of rest, a throne on high. Amazing
grace! eternal life! A place of rest, a throne on high. Amazing Grace! Eternal
life! Amazing Grace!