I have been really busy lately. We have been collecting "health kits" at church for the hurricane dislocated. I do not want to go into a 3 page rant on Bush saying today it was his fault. There was fault..but some was his, by far not all of it. The whole mess has become a political joke. All we can do is what we can to help. I think placing blame is another unnessasary game to play. People die, and instead of helping...the country plays who should we blame.
Roberts is doing an amazing job. I think he will be a great Chief Justice.
Last sunday, my Youth group kids had a spaggehti dinner. They raised 210$. A chunk of that will be used next week for bowling..and the rest will go to our adopted apportionment...the ethnic minority fund. :) I am really proud of the kids. They were funny during thier performances and they worked thier bottems off. They impressed me. They took time to remember those who died on 9/11. That was thier idea. When one of our juniors said the prayer before the meal...he did a great job. You could tell it came from his heart. They just did a great job. And I am even happier that people came out to support them. Almost the whole Ad Board from the church was there. They are great kids. I am glad that others had the chance to see it.
One thing I have noticed lately is that when bad things happen, those who do not walk with God...Blame God. God tells us clearly that bad things will happen. John 16:33. And Jesus said, "in this world you will have difficulties. Take heart. I have overcome the world." Life is not suppose to be easy. I pray that many of those who died on 9/11 and those who died during the hurricane went home to be with our Father in Heaven. I pray that they had that relationship so that they could be with him forever more in His kingdom. And here on earth...I pray for those who lost someone they love. Because they truely are the ones who are suffering. Those in heaven, know no more pain. No more suffering. So my heart aches, for those left behind to deal with the grief.
Tuesday, September 13, 2005
Tuesday, August 16, 2005
I am not going to cry. Really....
Tonight, My 5 year old went to see his classroom during an open house at his school. The older children are already back to school. As we walked around the classroom he clung to me. He would not go to his daddy. I guess my head keeps saying he will be ok after he makes it his own space. That once he feels like he truely believes he belongs there, He will be okay.
But my heart, ached for that scared little boy. My heart screamed, no...just homeschool him. My heart yearned to protect my baby boy. To keep him from having his feelings hurt. To keep him safe. To keep him close where I can protect him.
And as he clung to me and hid his face in me from his teacher, her concern was there too. She asked why he didnt go to preschool. I told her the standard answer, he was not ready. Which is true. Very very very very true.
He is so different then other little kids. His emotions are always right near the surface. He is so caring and empathetic. He is such a very special little boy. But with the caring and knowing that seems far beyond his age, That empathy and pyrimad of emotions that just seem beyond what other children feel. That fear that runs his life. It has been years since the last panic attack. Well, 2 years. Actually, almost 2 years to this month. His sister got stuck in a slide. He could not get her down. He was 3 and a 1/2. She was just 2. The baby still a tiny baby. The other parents, pointing and whispering. He couldnt breathe and he couldnt function and those idiot people just kept making it worse for him to regain control.
He has some sensory Issues. He does not like loud noises and he has problems pushing out the white noise and focusing on the one thing in front of him. It is getting better...but he has a long way to go. I realized that in some ways he is not getting as better as I thought as I watched him at Karate. He has problems focusing on the person working with him when there is a lot going on with the other kids around him. White noise is his enemy.
Then we met the gym teacher at school. And he told my son that he would love his class. 40 kids running around and jumping....But he is wrong. My son will hate that. He will more then hate it...It will be his toughest challenge. I worry about lunch for the same reason. And he wont know anyone. Who will he eat with? Does the teacher make the whole class sit together?
Brian does not think we should overload the teacher with all this information. But, If we do not tell them...how can they best help our son?
As he clung to me tonight in the classroom, I had to fight back the tears. I really had to fight it for his sake. Because he needs me to focus on the positive. To tell him how wonderful it is going to be...even when i am not convinced it is going to be wonderful. He needs me to be strong. He needs me to lead in a way that he can positively follow.
I do not worry about the school work. My son is extremly smart. He could write his own name by his 3rd birthday. He knows every letter in the alphabet and is beginning to read by sounding things out. Phonics apparently is his thing...so is math. He counted to 100 tonight. He has always been able to do simple math. But in so many ways, his little world can come crashing down because someone wants to be mean to him.
I can not protect him. And that....that makes me want to weep. Honestly, weep.
Tomorrow his teacher is bringing by a bunch of papers and information and all that for his home visit. He actually starts school on monday. Maybe its because this is a bad week for me anyway. Saturday, will be 10 years since my mom died. I didnt think it would still hurt this bad after 10 years. But it does. And there are some new problems. It appears we are going to court with the hospital she died in. Her records are mysteriously missing and they have a "fake" death report for her. Not to mention that the autopsy was done by a local yokal instead of the baltimore cornoner. A local yokal btw who had no reason to be doing the autopsy anyway. Dieing at 41 may just of not been of "natural causes". And in fact, every indicator is pointing towards something fishy.
My grandmother is in the hospital...well out now...with pneamonia. I had it this month too. My grandma turns 87 next week. The same day that it will of been 10 years since we buried my mom. I always regret we had to bury her on grandma's birthday.
Well, As a week goes....this one is a bust. But I will not cry...I will not cry. I cant. Not right now. I have to be strong for my son. I have to tell him that it really is a wonderful thing he is going to school. and it is. Do not get me wrong. But my heart aches for all that I can not do to protect him. Protect the special little boy he is. The wonderful kid he is. He is my Christmas blessing. My Best christmas present ever from God. And for him....I will not cry....even when my heart breaks watching him leave the first day for school.
But my heart, ached for that scared little boy. My heart screamed, no...just homeschool him. My heart yearned to protect my baby boy. To keep him from having his feelings hurt. To keep him safe. To keep him close where I can protect him.
And as he clung to me and hid his face in me from his teacher, her concern was there too. She asked why he didnt go to preschool. I told her the standard answer, he was not ready. Which is true. Very very very very true.
He is so different then other little kids. His emotions are always right near the surface. He is so caring and empathetic. He is such a very special little boy. But with the caring and knowing that seems far beyond his age, That empathy and pyrimad of emotions that just seem beyond what other children feel. That fear that runs his life. It has been years since the last panic attack. Well, 2 years. Actually, almost 2 years to this month. His sister got stuck in a slide. He could not get her down. He was 3 and a 1/2. She was just 2. The baby still a tiny baby. The other parents, pointing and whispering. He couldnt breathe and he couldnt function and those idiot people just kept making it worse for him to regain control.
He has some sensory Issues. He does not like loud noises and he has problems pushing out the white noise and focusing on the one thing in front of him. It is getting better...but he has a long way to go. I realized that in some ways he is not getting as better as I thought as I watched him at Karate. He has problems focusing on the person working with him when there is a lot going on with the other kids around him. White noise is his enemy.
Then we met the gym teacher at school. And he told my son that he would love his class. 40 kids running around and jumping....But he is wrong. My son will hate that. He will more then hate it...It will be his toughest challenge. I worry about lunch for the same reason. And he wont know anyone. Who will he eat with? Does the teacher make the whole class sit together?
Brian does not think we should overload the teacher with all this information. But, If we do not tell them...how can they best help our son?
As he clung to me tonight in the classroom, I had to fight back the tears. I really had to fight it for his sake. Because he needs me to focus on the positive. To tell him how wonderful it is going to be...even when i am not convinced it is going to be wonderful. He needs me to be strong. He needs me to lead in a way that he can positively follow.
I do not worry about the school work. My son is extremly smart. He could write his own name by his 3rd birthday. He knows every letter in the alphabet and is beginning to read by sounding things out. Phonics apparently is his thing...so is math. He counted to 100 tonight. He has always been able to do simple math. But in so many ways, his little world can come crashing down because someone wants to be mean to him.
I can not protect him. And that....that makes me want to weep. Honestly, weep.
Tomorrow his teacher is bringing by a bunch of papers and information and all that for his home visit. He actually starts school on monday. Maybe its because this is a bad week for me anyway. Saturday, will be 10 years since my mom died. I didnt think it would still hurt this bad after 10 years. But it does. And there are some new problems. It appears we are going to court with the hospital she died in. Her records are mysteriously missing and they have a "fake" death report for her. Not to mention that the autopsy was done by a local yokal instead of the baltimore cornoner. A local yokal btw who had no reason to be doing the autopsy anyway. Dieing at 41 may just of not been of "natural causes". And in fact, every indicator is pointing towards something fishy.
My grandmother is in the hospital...well out now...with pneamonia. I had it this month too. My grandma turns 87 next week. The same day that it will of been 10 years since we buried my mom. I always regret we had to bury her on grandma's birthday.
Well, As a week goes....this one is a bust. But I will not cry...I will not cry. I cant. Not right now. I have to be strong for my son. I have to tell him that it really is a wonderful thing he is going to school. and it is. Do not get me wrong. But my heart aches for all that I can not do to protect him. Protect the special little boy he is. The wonderful kid he is. He is my Christmas blessing. My Best christmas present ever from God. And for him....I will not cry....even when my heart breaks watching him leave the first day for school.
Thursday, August 04, 2005
Why Invite Me?
I keep asking myself, Why when I log on today....the first time in a month almost btw....did I get an invite to a secret debate board?? The people who invited me hate me. LOL. Not only do they hate me, they never agree with me and I ususally make them so angry they resort to name calling. So why on earth would they invite me to thier super secret debate board?
So, I have to admit, I went to check it out. I was curious. And it is a bunch of people sitting around agreeing with each other. Geez. The hannity debate boards are not even that. There are at least a balance of Liberals there to debate the Conservatives. But this...it is just a bunch of liberals sitting around agreeing with each other.
Tomorrow is my husband's 20th year high school reunion. We are going to the Social and Picnic, but not to the "prom". We have 3 children under 6. I can not see spending over 100$ on one night. Sorry. It would be 60 just for the dinner/dance and another 40 for the babysitter. Thanks, but no. The hubby is ok with it. Hopefully, he will still get to visit with some of his friends from School.
My 5 year old son started Karate. Help my sanity now. He tells me his hand signals and what they mean. "Karate is my secret." "My hands are empty, I have no weapons." "Forgive me if I have to use this." Then he goes through the kneeling and says "Momma, this is where you Medicate." ROTFL He is such an angel. My husband comes home and tells me of how he "kicked the bag." Where did my baby go? My husband is going back in training as well. So, I am dropping out of choir so he can. He is a black Belt in Karate and a Brown Belt in Tae-Kwan-Doe.
My 4 year old Daughter starts her fall dance lessons next saturday. Son starts school next week. Kindergarden. I will have to type on that another day, because it is a whole lot of thoughts.
My life is changing, and I do not know how I feel about that. I feel like everyone is going forward and I am going backwards if that is possible. Or at the very least not forward. I actually feel like a record, skipping in its place. I do not know what is suppose to come next for me. I feel a little lost and stuck.
Well, for now.
Me
So, I have to admit, I went to check it out. I was curious. And it is a bunch of people sitting around agreeing with each other. Geez. The hannity debate boards are not even that. There are at least a balance of Liberals there to debate the Conservatives. But this...it is just a bunch of liberals sitting around agreeing with each other.
Tomorrow is my husband's 20th year high school reunion. We are going to the Social and Picnic, but not to the "prom". We have 3 children under 6. I can not see spending over 100$ on one night. Sorry. It would be 60 just for the dinner/dance and another 40 for the babysitter. Thanks, but no. The hubby is ok with it. Hopefully, he will still get to visit with some of his friends from School.
My 5 year old son started Karate. Help my sanity now. He tells me his hand signals and what they mean. "Karate is my secret." "My hands are empty, I have no weapons." "Forgive me if I have to use this." Then he goes through the kneeling and says "Momma, this is where you Medicate." ROTFL He is such an angel. My husband comes home and tells me of how he "kicked the bag." Where did my baby go? My husband is going back in training as well. So, I am dropping out of choir so he can. He is a black Belt in Karate and a Brown Belt in Tae-Kwan-Doe.
My 4 year old Daughter starts her fall dance lessons next saturday. Son starts school next week. Kindergarden. I will have to type on that another day, because it is a whole lot of thoughts.
My life is changing, and I do not know how I feel about that. I feel like everyone is going forward and I am going backwards if that is possible. Or at the very least not forward. I actually feel like a record, skipping in its place. I do not know what is suppose to come next for me. I feel a little lost and stuck.
Well, for now.
Me
Sunday, July 17, 2005
Long Time No Post
I have been unhealthy and not posting much. A few months ago, I was put back on Prednisone ...this time instead of a boost, I was put on a daily reg. After seeing my specialist he wants me to take Metholtraxate. Honestly, It scares the crud out of me, so the only decision I have made is...flare or no flare I am coming off the prednisone. My blood pressure has been sky high lately. Last time it was 140/105. EEK Little too high. But my NSAID sends my blood pressure through the roof everytime. And I honestly normally run about 120/70. It is really freaking high right now.
Been busy with kid stuff too. TBall just ended. My two oldest played this year. I love this league of Sports. They spend time teaching the 4-6 year olds to play. Not teaching them to compete. They show them how to hit. How to field the ball. It is about fun, not competition yet. As you move up into the different age groups then you find the competitition. But not at the kindergarden level. I like that.
My oldest daughter started dance lessons. It reminds me of my days as a cheerleader and dancer in elementry school. lol. If her determination will plan her future....she will be the best little dancer in her class. My son starts karate classes on tuesday. Ask me in a few weeks how I feel about that. One little hit or kick on his little sisters...just one......(see my gray hairs already?)
I guess the biggest news is, I love my "work." I love being a mom. I love my kids more then I can imagine loving anyone. My son is so excited about kindergarden. He is already ready with his new clothes, batman backpack, batman lunch bag, and batman sneakers. (do you see a theme here?) Everytime, we talk about school he is so excited he can barely sit still. A year ago, I was worried he would not even have a mainstream education...and now. WOW. Shy no more. He has all this confidence...it just appeared. He is actually becoming one of those kids I hate when they are someone elses. lol. A real school aged child. The kind that has the confidence to do just what they want. They do not ask permission. The kid that is confidendent in who they are and so they do not need pushy adults telling them what to do. Know the type??? My son is becoming one of those. I am so totally shocked. He is actually letting us get close to him now. For 5 years he has shrugged off our hugs and affection...and it is like...as much as it pains him....he is letting us in. And he has found new confidence in allowing us to do that. Maybe he really did need time. Maybe the different things we have been doing to work on the sensory things is really helping. Or maybe....by not pushing him...he had the space he needed to work it out for himself. I am so proud of him.
My baby girl is talking! Finally. The doctor was right. She just didnt need to talk, so why talk. Bubba and Na-na did that for her. That is what she calls her brother and sister. lol. And when she can look at me and tell me "nap momma now. come" She can talk. :) Momma is releaved.
I love the volunteer work I do. My sunday school kids collected 60$ in pennys and change for the potato project. It is an amazing organization. Take the time to look it up online. Now, they are doing a food drive for the local mission. My youth group did volunteer work for people in the church. A lot of the older members were helped by thier work. We are currently working on a spaggetti dinner. It should be fun. We also were in our local 4th of July parade. The youth group built the float. It was a lot of fun. And hopefully, it will fill the pews.
Now we are planning for the lighted Christmas parade float. It is going to be such a blast.
I love these children. All of them. We are turning our sunday school program into more of a young youth worship time. I am so excited. I really love these kids. My youth group, the young kids...I work with all the kids in my church between the ages of 2 - 18. I feel guilty saying I do it in service to my Lord and Savior because I love the work I do so much. These kids are amazing. And smart. Man, they keep me on my toes. So, full of questions. My co leader and I are just struggling to answer thier questions as fast as they can ask them. Such seekers. And they are all such amazing kids. Each with thier own walk. Each with thier own difficulties and baggage. And each struggling in thier own way. From the 2 year old to the 18 year olds.
Well, My throat is sore, my immune system is surpressed. So, I better get as much shut eye as I can. :) I didnt know you could get sicker while on antibotics. argh. Probably not a good sign.
In Christ Mighty Love,
Me
Been busy with kid stuff too. TBall just ended. My two oldest played this year. I love this league of Sports. They spend time teaching the 4-6 year olds to play. Not teaching them to compete. They show them how to hit. How to field the ball. It is about fun, not competition yet. As you move up into the different age groups then you find the competitition. But not at the kindergarden level. I like that.
My oldest daughter started dance lessons. It reminds me of my days as a cheerleader and dancer in elementry school. lol. If her determination will plan her future....she will be the best little dancer in her class. My son starts karate classes on tuesday. Ask me in a few weeks how I feel about that. One little hit or kick on his little sisters...just one......(see my gray hairs already?)
I guess the biggest news is, I love my "work." I love being a mom. I love my kids more then I can imagine loving anyone. My son is so excited about kindergarden. He is already ready with his new clothes, batman backpack, batman lunch bag, and batman sneakers. (do you see a theme here?) Everytime, we talk about school he is so excited he can barely sit still. A year ago, I was worried he would not even have a mainstream education...and now. WOW. Shy no more. He has all this confidence...it just appeared. He is actually becoming one of those kids I hate when they are someone elses. lol. A real school aged child. The kind that has the confidence to do just what they want. They do not ask permission. The kid that is confidendent in who they are and so they do not need pushy adults telling them what to do. Know the type??? My son is becoming one of those. I am so totally shocked. He is actually letting us get close to him now. For 5 years he has shrugged off our hugs and affection...and it is like...as much as it pains him....he is letting us in. And he has found new confidence in allowing us to do that. Maybe he really did need time. Maybe the different things we have been doing to work on the sensory things is really helping. Or maybe....by not pushing him...he had the space he needed to work it out for himself. I am so proud of him.
My baby girl is talking! Finally. The doctor was right. She just didnt need to talk, so why talk. Bubba and Na-na did that for her. That is what she calls her brother and sister. lol. And when she can look at me and tell me "nap momma now. come" She can talk. :) Momma is releaved.
I love the volunteer work I do. My sunday school kids collected 60$ in pennys and change for the potato project. It is an amazing organization. Take the time to look it up online. Now, they are doing a food drive for the local mission. My youth group did volunteer work for people in the church. A lot of the older members were helped by thier work. We are currently working on a spaggetti dinner. It should be fun. We also were in our local 4th of July parade. The youth group built the float. It was a lot of fun. And hopefully, it will fill the pews.
Now we are planning for the lighted Christmas parade float. It is going to be such a blast.
I love these children. All of them. We are turning our sunday school program into more of a young youth worship time. I am so excited. I really love these kids. My youth group, the young kids...I work with all the kids in my church between the ages of 2 - 18. I feel guilty saying I do it in service to my Lord and Savior because I love the work I do so much. These kids are amazing. And smart. Man, they keep me on my toes. So, full of questions. My co leader and I are just struggling to answer thier questions as fast as they can ask them. Such seekers. And they are all such amazing kids. Each with thier own walk. Each with thier own difficulties and baggage. And each struggling in thier own way. From the 2 year old to the 18 year olds.
Well, My throat is sore, my immune system is surpressed. So, I better get as much shut eye as I can. :) I didnt know you could get sicker while on antibotics. argh. Probably not a good sign.
In Christ Mighty Love,
Me
Friday, April 01, 2005
Watching the Children Grow
Last night, my husband registared our oldest two children for tball. This fall, my oldest will be going off to Kindergarden. My youngest is starting to parrot her sister. In the blink of an eye, they keep growing. 
It was only 2 years ago, I could say I had three babies. Oldest to Youngest, my children are 3 years and 2 months apart. I literally had 3 in diapers. And now, as I am preparing to potty train my youngest...Where did this time go? I want to stop and bottle up what I have right now with them. I do not want these moments to slip away.
Next year my son will spend 8 hours everyday away from me. I am excited for him, and scared for him, and everything...but this will be the first time in his life he has spent more then a few hours one day here and one day there away from me. Not even weekly. I know he will be ok, it is me I am worried about.
As mom, it hurts letting them go. Knowing you will not be able to protect them always. It hurts letting them grow up, knowing one day they will just leave. I want to enjoy these moments. These....right now. They are sitting in front of me eating thier lunch. They are watching bugs bunny. Waiting for Grandma and Grandpa to come pick them up for a weekend stay, so my husband and I can go away for a little alone time.
That is another stranger occurance. I realize now, that one day it will be just us again. And that we must hold on tight to what we have in each other. So, that we can never forget why we love each other. No matter what people do, we can not let anyone drive us apart. We have to remember what brought us together in the first place.
One day, they will find someone to love. My oldest has a crush already. There is a little girl in his sunday school class who is about a year older then him. She and he "flirt" as much as kindergardeners can do I guess. Her mom and dad sing with me in choir and so her and her brother sit with my son and husband during church. He is so cute with her. He is huge for his age, so he is just her size. One day, it will not be "oh she is so cute." It will be..."this is the girl I am going to marry." And one day, even our little girls will be women. How does it all change so fast?
I just want it all to slow down. I want to just take a little time...and enjoy all 3 of them right now. I want to love every minute of every day. I am lucky to just have such wonderful children to love.
It was only 2 years ago, I could say I had three babies. Oldest to Youngest, my children are 3 years and 2 months apart. I literally had 3 in diapers. And now, as I am preparing to potty train my youngest...Where did this time go? I want to stop and bottle up what I have right now with them. I do not want these moments to slip away.
Next year my son will spend 8 hours everyday away from me. I am excited for him, and scared for him, and everything...but this will be the first time in his life he has spent more then a few hours one day here and one day there away from me. Not even weekly. I know he will be ok, it is me I am worried about.
As mom, it hurts letting them go. Knowing you will not be able to protect them always. It hurts letting them grow up, knowing one day they will just leave. I want to enjoy these moments. These....right now. They are sitting in front of me eating thier lunch. They are watching bugs bunny. Waiting for Grandma and Grandpa to come pick them up for a weekend stay, so my husband and I can go away for a little alone time.
That is another stranger occurance. I realize now, that one day it will be just us again. And that we must hold on tight to what we have in each other. So, that we can never forget why we love each other. No matter what people do, we can not let anyone drive us apart. We have to remember what brought us together in the first place.
One day, they will find someone to love. My oldest has a crush already. There is a little girl in his sunday school class who is about a year older then him. She and he "flirt" as much as kindergardeners can do I guess. Her mom and dad sing with me in choir and so her and her brother sit with my son and husband during church. He is so cute with her. He is huge for his age, so he is just her size. One day, it will not be "oh she is so cute." It will be..."this is the girl I am going to marry." And one day, even our little girls will be women. How does it all change so fast?
I just want it all to slow down. I want to just take a little time...and enjoy all 3 of them right now. I want to love every minute of every day. I am lucky to just have such wonderful children to love.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
