During the funeral, I think in a lot of ways, I was not hurting as bad as the rest of my family. One of the big differances was, Although I was grieving...I knew my grandmother was ok. I have great faith that she is not hurting and in a place where she is filled with joy. Before she died, she and I talked a great deal about our faith. She loved God. But she had been hurting for so long. When my mom died and then my uncle just 3 years later, My grandmother was hurting so bad. You are not suppose to outlive your children. She became so depressed. I did not want her to feel that hurt anymore. My heart hurt for her grief, more then my heart hurts with my own missing her. I would rather she go home to be with my grandpap, her parents, my mom and my uncle...and most of all the God that loves us. I wanted her to be happy again. So, Although my heart hurts with missing her...I know she is in a better place and I will see her again one day. I think of that old gospel hymn "When we all get to heaven."
My sister, in her grief shared with me a story. My grandma a few days before she died, said to Johnna. "Your hands are so warm Johnna. Grandpap Nick was here last night and his hands were so cold." My grandpap Nick died in 1986. And Johnna kept telling her, "No Grandma...Grandpap has been gone a really long time." And grandma insisited that Grandpap was there. I believe in my heart, He came to take her home. In the almost 20 years since his death, she never dated again. The idea of marrying again never occured to her. And now they are together again.
On the plane on the way home, the 2nd leg of my trip from Housten to El Paso, I got on the plane and sat down in my seat by the window. I was hurting. I wanted to be alone with my grief. When two young twentysomething males sat down next to me...looking very..disheaveled, My only thought was "Oh Great." I smiled said "Hi." and went back to reading my book. I had passed judgement on them being troublesome young men. Half way through the flight, God sent me a message. It came in the form of a young man about 21. This young man beside me said, "I feel like I need to give you a message. God loves you and wants you to feel surrounded by His love." I cried. This young man, who I had passed judgement on...was sent to share God's love with me. I told him, that my grandma had just died..and that I was coming back from the funeral. When the other young man returned to his seat...he told me he was a youth pastor. We ended up talking a lot about the work we both do with teenagers. They have thier own praise band, and have volunteered to help me with my interdenominational youth Confrance and workshops for teens. God is so merciful and good. He gives us what we need when we most need it. His love. I feel so blessed to be loved by God. I feel His hands in my life, guiding me....sometimes pushing me when I resist. Always, always gently holding me close.
God has a message for each of us. He loves us. He wants us to love Him. And then...When we all get to heaven...
WHEN WE ALL GET TO HEAVEN
Sing the wondrous love of Jesus,
Sing His mercy and His grace.
In the mansions bright and blessèd
He’ll prepare for us a place.
Refrain
When we all get to Heaven,
What a day of rejoicing that will be!
When we all see Jesus,
We’ll sing and shout the victory!
While we walk the pilgrim pathway,
Clouds will overspread the sky;
But when traveling days are over,
Not a shadow, not a sigh.
Refrain
Let us then be true and faithful,
Trusting, serving every day;
Just one glimpse of Him in glory
Will the toils of life repay.
Refrain
Onward to the prize before us!
Soon His beauty we’ll behold;
Soon the pearly gates will open;
We shall tread the streets of gold.
Refrain
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