One of the debate forums I frequent there has been ongoing debate on a girl who wanted to wear a tux for her senior picture. The school said she could not appear in the year book in a tux. The article wants it seem like she is being discriminated against because she is a lesbian. Regardless of her sexual orientation, What about traditions? Have we as a society seen so little good come from them, that we easily are willing to push them aside in favor of the wants of one person?
In the High school I went to this never would of been tolerated. Each year in this public high school, the graduating classes class composite is hung on the wall. The males in tux's and then women in robes. On the walls of the school hangs a picture from every year the school has been open. Even before it was the school it now stands as and was instead the school that this one evolved into. My high school was a public works project during the great depression. We are talking about 80 years of class composites with each persons formal picture for graduation. Even if you do not buy pictures, you have to go to a private place of the schools choosing to get your picture done for yearbook and this picture.
There is a compromise here. But this young women is unwilling to compromise. The school should be allowed to set how it wants the pictures done for the yearbook. However, this young women does not have to pose. She can refuse to be in the yearbook. She could have the drape done and then have her own private pictures done elsewhere. Or...how many places do not let you do multiple clothing changes for your senior setting? She could of only bought the pictures she wanted. But were any of those options considered?
The ruling is it is up to the principal of the school to decide.
In my life, the best parts of my life all revolve around tradition. Knowing that my picture hangs on the wall of the high school I graduated from. As well as my moms in the class of 1972. My Dad's in the class of 1966. My sisters, my cousins, my aunts and my uncles, even my grandmothers and her brothers and sisters. I have a sense of belonging from that. That I am part of something greater.
That has happened other times in my life too as I was able to partake in long standing traditions. I went to an all womens private college. One of the traditions there is the tradition of big sisters and little sisters. Big sisters (juniors) adopt 1 or more little sisters (freshman). They serve as a guide, friend, and advisor to the freshman. But part of the long standing tradition that goes with this is so much more. The 3rd night at college, the big sisters tuck thier little sisters into bed. The sophomores and the seniors wait outside in the pergola. And then the juniors go and wake thier "little sisters" up at 1 am. With all the "upper classman" wearing thier class beanie. We drag them out to the pergola. There we sing the nun song and our alma mata. We then cheer for our dorms and then drag them to the cafeteria (not really drag...by this time they are more then happy to be part of this long standing tradition) ..to serve them donuts and juice. To tell them about the traditions of the school. To answer questions they have. To introduce them to other people they may not yet know. To welcome them...and show them we are there to help them.
A few days later we give the freshman thier beanies at a big sister/little sister picnic. We teach them those songs. They will need them. After the picnic...any senior can show you her class ring (a special pinkie ring with a blue or black stone and an "H" on it) and the freshman around must sing the song of her choosing. Do freshman hate this? Do they feel tortured? No. You sing with pride...because you are part now of something bigger.
My freshman year....just days after we learned the songs. In the middle of the night some guy staying in the dorm walked out a fire door. At 2 am we stood in the quad waiting for the dorm to be checked out. It was a weekend and men were in the dorm. It was extremly uncomfortable for us, as freshman. We were not yet used to standing around in our bed clothes when men were in the dorm. One of the seniors came over and flashed her ring. At 2 am, we sang the nun song so loud we woke up people in every dorm. It is one of my very best memories of college. I look back at it with pride.
I did choose a college filled with tradition because traditions mean so much to me. I keep my own family traditions. I am part of a church with long standing traditions. I believe in tradition. I believe in belonging and taking pride in something that is bigger then just me. What a gift to be part of that.
And if you do not like traditions...you can always choose not to participate rather then trying to spoil others love for the traditions they choose to take pride in. Since when is the want of one greater then the rights of the rest?
Saturday, February 26, 2005
Friday, February 25, 2005
Lent, Easter and Pentecost
As I have grown deeper in my faith I am often still struck by the fact that non-Christians think that Christmas is the biggest day of the "church year." And how people rejoice in the birth....yet, the stronger I grow in my faith....I realize the birth means little without the death of the Savior.
I just always feel so overwhelmed by the sacrifice Jesus made for us. All of us. Yesterday, I went to choir with a very heavy and issue laden heart. It has been a little stressful lately. The kids are sick, my sister is really worrying me, birthdays, and brian covering more shifts then I care to think about because of sick employees. But when I went in there..and we started singing some of the songs we are singing for this holiday season...I just felt those cares being lifted away. One by one until when I left...after cake to celebrate my birthday with the choir....I sat in my car and cried. Because God is so great. That He cares so much about me, He took my cares one by one and lifted them away.
And the more I thought about it, that is what this season is about. Jesus coming to take each of our sins and lift them from us. Giving His own life in exchange for them.
One of the songs we are singing....I have a story. and now everytime I sing this song....this story resounds in my mind. Our preacher...is also our choir director. He studyed music. He has the most amazing voice. He traveled to the holy land. And while he was there...One of the places he and his wife went to...was this cave like area where Jesus would of "stood trial"....they would take and lower him down into this little area between questioning. In that little cave....there is a shadow on the wall. A shadow of a person kneeling with thier arms outstretched. They have tried for centurys to scrub from the wall that holy image. It remains. When they were touring...The guide ask Jim (our preacher) what song He could sing in that room. He sang this song we are singing.
The song is called "In this very room". The song has 3 parts. The first is...in this very room there is quite enough love for one like me. the 2nd is ...in this very room there is quite enough love for all of us...and last in this very room there is quite enough love for the world. In that very room, Christ prepared to to die for us. The love for us, His followers. He prepared to give His life for ours so that we may never die and have ever lasting life.
Matthew 18:20. ‘Where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them.’
I always feel touched so much deeper on Easter then at Christmas. We are in the season of Lent. I always think of Lent as the preperation. At Christmas to prepare for Christ coming...we hang the greens and celebrate. But at Easter...when we are talking about preparing for Christ coming...first we must suffer through the loss of His death. And to me...that is why Lent is a time of reflection. When I leave Ash Wednesday Services I always feel overwhelmed with Death on the cross coming. By Maundy Thursday when we prepare to celebrate the feast in the upper room, I feel the Confusion the disciples surely felt. By Good Friday, my heart aches for the significance of the loss. And by Easter Morning as I awake to the sunrise, I understand that I will never love as deeply as God loves. By Pentecost I think most of the world is getting back to thier lives, But then I am reminded again...Now, I must be Jesus Disciple, because He has revealed to me His love.
In the Methodist Church, Christ is never on the Cross. The church's feeling about this is....We serve a risen King. But one of the things we do on Maundy Thursday...We have a large wooden cross that stands in our sactuary during this time of year. After we participate in the feast....We take our names and write them on a piece of paper. Then....we nail them to the cross. We promise to hang with Christ on that cross by giving Him our lives to serve Him.
And all I kept thinking about last night...Here I am promising to give my life to God and to His only son Jesus Christ....and here He is...lifting my cares from my heart. Surely, I do not deserve such love. Surely, He knows I am not worthy..and yet, He loves me just the same. He cares about each of those little things weighing on my heart, in my insignificant life. But to Him, no life is insignificant.
My sister said something that broke my heart this week. She is getting worn down. She said, she thinks that when her son turns 18...she will die. She is hurting so bad. But this week ....through all that...she said..."God does not love me." And that was one of the things weighing on my heart. But He does love her. I do not know how I can show her it is true. But my heart aches for what she is missing out on right now. I feel so lucky to have this...and I feel so sad that she can not see that she is truely loved. And even in this...God conforted me. I do not know what the answer is, but I know she is the first person I need to show God's love to right now. Not the love of a sister...but a sister of Christ.
I just always feel so overwhelmed by the sacrifice Jesus made for us. All of us. Yesterday, I went to choir with a very heavy and issue laden heart. It has been a little stressful lately. The kids are sick, my sister is really worrying me, birthdays, and brian covering more shifts then I care to think about because of sick employees. But when I went in there..and we started singing some of the songs we are singing for this holiday season...I just felt those cares being lifted away. One by one until when I left...after cake to celebrate my birthday with the choir....I sat in my car and cried. Because God is so great. That He cares so much about me, He took my cares one by one and lifted them away.
And the more I thought about it, that is what this season is about. Jesus coming to take each of our sins and lift them from us. Giving His own life in exchange for them.
One of the songs we are singing....I have a story. and now everytime I sing this song....this story resounds in my mind. Our preacher...is also our choir director. He studyed music. He has the most amazing voice. He traveled to the holy land. And while he was there...One of the places he and his wife went to...was this cave like area where Jesus would of "stood trial"....they would take and lower him down into this little area between questioning. In that little cave....there is a shadow on the wall. A shadow of a person kneeling with thier arms outstretched. They have tried for centurys to scrub from the wall that holy image. It remains. When they were touring...The guide ask Jim (our preacher) what song He could sing in that room. He sang this song we are singing.
The song is called "In this very room". The song has 3 parts. The first is...in this very room there is quite enough love for one like me. the 2nd is ...in this very room there is quite enough love for all of us...and last in this very room there is quite enough love for the world. In that very room, Christ prepared to to die for us. The love for us, His followers. He prepared to give His life for ours so that we may never die and have ever lasting life.
“In this very room there’s quite enough love for one like me and in this very
room there is quite enough joy for one like me and there is quite enough hope
and quite enough power to chase away any gloom,
For Jesus, Lord Jesus is in
this very room."
Matthew 18:20. ‘Where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them.’
I always feel touched so much deeper on Easter then at Christmas. We are in the season of Lent. I always think of Lent as the preperation. At Christmas to prepare for Christ coming...we hang the greens and celebrate. But at Easter...when we are talking about preparing for Christ coming...first we must suffer through the loss of His death. And to me...that is why Lent is a time of reflection. When I leave Ash Wednesday Services I always feel overwhelmed with Death on the cross coming. By Maundy Thursday when we prepare to celebrate the feast in the upper room, I feel the Confusion the disciples surely felt. By Good Friday, my heart aches for the significance of the loss. And by Easter Morning as I awake to the sunrise, I understand that I will never love as deeply as God loves. By Pentecost I think most of the world is getting back to thier lives, But then I am reminded again...Now, I must be Jesus Disciple, because He has revealed to me His love.
In the Methodist Church, Christ is never on the Cross. The church's feeling about this is....We serve a risen King. But one of the things we do on Maundy Thursday...We have a large wooden cross that stands in our sactuary during this time of year. After we participate in the feast....We take our names and write them on a piece of paper. Then....we nail them to the cross. We promise to hang with Christ on that cross by giving Him our lives to serve Him.
And all I kept thinking about last night...Here I am promising to give my life to God and to His only son Jesus Christ....and here He is...lifting my cares from my heart. Surely, I do not deserve such love. Surely, He knows I am not worthy..and yet, He loves me just the same. He cares about each of those little things weighing on my heart, in my insignificant life. But to Him, no life is insignificant.
My sister said something that broke my heart this week. She is getting worn down. She said, she thinks that when her son turns 18...she will die. She is hurting so bad. But this week ....through all that...she said..."God does not love me." And that was one of the things weighing on my heart. But He does love her. I do not know how I can show her it is true. But my heart aches for what she is missing out on right now. I feel so lucky to have this...and I feel so sad that she can not see that she is truely loved. And even in this...God conforted me. I do not know what the answer is, but I know she is the first person I need to show God's love to right now. Not the love of a sister...but a sister of Christ.
Wednesday, February 23, 2005
Sick Children, Sisters, and Birthday Cakes
The kids have been sick going on like the third week. It is not really that my kids get sick more then other kids...its just....by the time I get one better.....another one is sick. So, I am in this continueal cycle right now of caring for sick children. If this flu bug does not leave my house soon, I am going to have a nervous breakdown.
And when one child is better, since they spent the whole time sick asleep in my arms...they now feel the need to touch me constantly. Only problem is, the next sick child is in my arms at this point and does not want to share me with anyone because that child is now sick. I am on the 3rd sick child by the way. The other two are now better for the most park. Minimal lingering runny noses. But In the past 3 weeks almost 19 days....I have not slept 5 hours in any one night. And I have not slept more then 3 hours straight since then. I thought this stage was over.
There is a reason most people have children in thier early 20's. As I get older, this is a lot harder to function on such minimal sleep. And although I am so tired, I can not sleep. I am overtired.
I am a little worried too. I have a younger sister that I love more then anything in this world. We did not have much of anything growing up, but we always had each other. For a while, right before our mom died...we had drifted apart. And then when mom died...it tore us apart even more. The last few years we have been trying to rebuild what was lost. And now, we are each others best friend. Today, we spent an hour and a half on the phone. Just talking.
I wish I could just tell her what I wish for her. But you know, I learned a long time ago that with younger sisters, you have to wait for them to want your help. So, I just reassure her. I tell her I love her. I tell her she always has me to run to. I tell her whatever she needs, I will help.
I wish she saw in herself what I see in her. And I wish the world could see what I know is inside her. We are only 16 months apart. We have lived in many many states. Everytime we moved though, we had each other. A built in best friend. We are as different as night and day. But I believe in her and know she is a good person.
So, my birthday is in a few days. I told my husband there better be birthday cake and presents. ha ha. He keeps making jokes about having to go to several stores to buy enough candles. It is a good thing I love the man. My wish list includes one of the following; A day at the local spa-full package, a new printer-scanner-copier all in one, or a new radio with cd player for my car.
Tomorrow I think I will suggest to my husband he buys one of the cheap small cakes for my birthday. IT is big enough for the 5 of us, and that is all that will be celebrating my birthday. And since we will be having Dora Cake next week when our "baby" turns 2. Her and I's birthdays are only 5 days apart. But it is important to me that we seperate the two and she has her very own special party/day.
In fact, on the Sunday before she was born. (she was born on a monday).... My husband and I went to see The Two Towers. Then, We came home to a suprise birthday party for me. All through the movies and the party I was having contractions. That night I only slept about 1 hour. My contractions were prolonged because I always give birth sunny side up. That means head down but facing forward instead of backwards. It makes for longer drawn out pre-birthing stage. Anyway....By morning, the day after my party, I was ready to have some breakfast and head to the hospital to have my little girl. My water broke about 9:30 am. The contractions got really regular about 1. at 3 they gave me IV drugs and I went to sleep. At 4:40 I jumped out of bed and said..."ok, its time to push now." My midwife checked me and said I could birth standing up or lieing down. But she really prefered if I lied down. One push and my bueatiful baby girl was born.
God's little reminder to me how wonderful life is. I can not believe my last baby is turning 2. I do not have any babies anymore. I will never hold another new baby to my breast. I will never again feel the milk let down and the fullness subside. I will never again work through the labor and know that the pain may be intense now, but soon I will hold a new life. I will never again watch daily to see if my baby smiles at me or wonder if its just gas.
The day after my 3rd was born, I had a tubal. It was the right decision for my body because of the Rheamatoid. My Mind knows it was the ONLY choice. My heart will never be sure if it was the right choice. IT will probably always long to be a mother again. To feel once again my heart begin in piece to walk around outside my body. To feel the fear of leaving my child behind the first time. To walk behind an infant taking thier first steps with a pillow and outstretched arms...just in case they fall. To lay down with a nursing infant....and have them pull from the breast to talk to you in thier own "special language." To lay there and smile and nod and agree with whatever thier baby babble was. To see them fall asleep at the breast in the middle of the night and watch the milk they were holding in thier mouth dribble down. A look of total contentment.
As my baby leaves behind her baby ways, and has become a full on toddler...I am sad for all those days I will never see again. I am anxious for what is to come. And life is easier now with no babies. Back when she was born and we had 3 in diapers....Just thinking about it makes me shake. But now, with only 1 in diapers...and she almost ready to potty train....I guess I am a little sad for those days we will not ever see again.
Of all the things I have done in my life, being a mother is the thing I am most proud of. I love my children so much. They are my whole life. I do not have to stay home with them, I just could not imagine tearing myself away from them to go to work one minute. I can not imagine missing one minute of thier lives.
I have this rule. Everyday, I hug and/or kiss my kids 100 times each. EVERYDAY! And I have done it since they were born. We spend a lot of time hugging and giving kisses in this house. But when I fall into bed exhausted at night, even if it is only to sleep 3 hours....I am so thankful everyday for those three tiny persons. I thank God everyday for them. For giving me the chance to be thier mother. I can not think what I ever did so right, to deserve to be thier mother.
My son and my oldest, oh...He is so sensitive and caring. His heart is so big and his love is so deep. He is a caring, smart, sensitive child. He wears all his emotions right out for you touch, but the love he gives. Wow. So deep and it runs so very true. His love is not like a river, it is more like an ocean. Sometimes it just washes over you. He is more sensitive to others feelings, then most adults I have met in my life. He has such an artistic talent and is so creative.
My oldest daughter and our middle child. I admire her so much. She is strong, smart, indepedent, self assured, happy all the time, and extremly easy going. Nothing gets her down. She is confident enough in her self, that she never follows the crowd. She has no problem carving her own path, when none exist. I admire the strength I see in her. And yet, it would tear her heart apart to think she ever hurt anyone.
My youngest daughter, the baby of the family, is our lovebug. She wants to make everyone better. She is a mediator and a hugger. She is extremly stubborn. I am not sure if its because she is the baby and has to be to get her way once in a while or because it is just her personality. She stands up for herself. She does not let her brother and sister bully her around. Yet, she is always quick to laugh. When one of her siblings crys, she is the first one to kiss it better. And although she always has her brother and sister, she is so content to just be alone and play by herself.
What mother could ask for more then what I have? When my heart starts to want, I ask myself that often. I really already have more then any person deserves. People stop me in stores to tell me how well my children behave. They stop me in church to compliment me on how confident they are and how well they pay attention. I have a hard time believing it is anything I have done though. They just truely are amazing individuals. I know in my heart one day, they are going to be adults I admire.
I am so lucky. Our children btw...oldest to youngest is 3 years and 2 months apart. They are 17 months between 1 and 2 and 21 months between 2 and 3. My sister joked this morning...Dang...shouldn't you guys be having another kid about now? (big sighs here) Nope. No more babies for us.
***Just a small remembrance here too....to my 3 children who never got to breathe the air of the earth on thier own. I will forever love all 6 of my children. You will always be in my heart.
And when one child is better, since they spent the whole time sick asleep in my arms...they now feel the need to touch me constantly. Only problem is, the next sick child is in my arms at this point and does not want to share me with anyone because that child is now sick. I am on the 3rd sick child by the way. The other two are now better for the most park. Minimal lingering runny noses. But In the past 3 weeks almost 19 days....I have not slept 5 hours in any one night. And I have not slept more then 3 hours straight since then. I thought this stage was over.
There is a reason most people have children in thier early 20's. As I get older, this is a lot harder to function on such minimal sleep. And although I am so tired, I can not sleep. I am overtired.
I am a little worried too. I have a younger sister that I love more then anything in this world. We did not have much of anything growing up, but we always had each other. For a while, right before our mom died...we had drifted apart. And then when mom died...it tore us apart even more. The last few years we have been trying to rebuild what was lost. And now, we are each others best friend. Today, we spent an hour and a half on the phone. Just talking.
I wish I could just tell her what I wish for her. But you know, I learned a long time ago that with younger sisters, you have to wait for them to want your help. So, I just reassure her. I tell her I love her. I tell her she always has me to run to. I tell her whatever she needs, I will help.
I wish she saw in herself what I see in her. And I wish the world could see what I know is inside her. We are only 16 months apart. We have lived in many many states. Everytime we moved though, we had each other. A built in best friend. We are as different as night and day. But I believe in her and know she is a good person.
So, my birthday is in a few days. I told my husband there better be birthday cake and presents. ha ha. He keeps making jokes about having to go to several stores to buy enough candles. It is a good thing I love the man. My wish list includes one of the following; A day at the local spa-full package, a new printer-scanner-copier all in one, or a new radio with cd player for my car.
Tomorrow I think I will suggest to my husband he buys one of the cheap small cakes for my birthday. IT is big enough for the 5 of us, and that is all that will be celebrating my birthday. And since we will be having Dora Cake next week when our "baby" turns 2. Her and I's birthdays are only 5 days apart. But it is important to me that we seperate the two and she has her very own special party/day.
In fact, on the Sunday before she was born. (she was born on a monday).... My husband and I went to see The Two Towers. Then, We came home to a suprise birthday party for me. All through the movies and the party I was having contractions. That night I only slept about 1 hour. My contractions were prolonged because I always give birth sunny side up. That means head down but facing forward instead of backwards. It makes for longer drawn out pre-birthing stage. Anyway....By morning, the day after my party, I was ready to have some breakfast and head to the hospital to have my little girl. My water broke about 9:30 am. The contractions got really regular about 1. at 3 they gave me IV drugs and I went to sleep. At 4:40 I jumped out of bed and said..."ok, its time to push now." My midwife checked me and said I could birth standing up or lieing down. But she really prefered if I lied down. One push and my bueatiful baby girl was born.
God's little reminder to me how wonderful life is. I can not believe my last baby is turning 2. I do not have any babies anymore. I will never hold another new baby to my breast. I will never again feel the milk let down and the fullness subside. I will never again work through the labor and know that the pain may be intense now, but soon I will hold a new life. I will never again watch daily to see if my baby smiles at me or wonder if its just gas.
The day after my 3rd was born, I had a tubal. It was the right decision for my body because of the Rheamatoid. My Mind knows it was the ONLY choice. My heart will never be sure if it was the right choice. IT will probably always long to be a mother again. To feel once again my heart begin in piece to walk around outside my body. To feel the fear of leaving my child behind the first time. To walk behind an infant taking thier first steps with a pillow and outstretched arms...just in case they fall. To lay down with a nursing infant....and have them pull from the breast to talk to you in thier own "special language." To lay there and smile and nod and agree with whatever thier baby babble was. To see them fall asleep at the breast in the middle of the night and watch the milk they were holding in thier mouth dribble down. A look of total contentment.
As my baby leaves behind her baby ways, and has become a full on toddler...I am sad for all those days I will never see again. I am anxious for what is to come. And life is easier now with no babies. Back when she was born and we had 3 in diapers....Just thinking about it makes me shake. But now, with only 1 in diapers...and she almost ready to potty train....I guess I am a little sad for those days we will not ever see again.
Of all the things I have done in my life, being a mother is the thing I am most proud of. I love my children so much. They are my whole life. I do not have to stay home with them, I just could not imagine tearing myself away from them to go to work one minute. I can not imagine missing one minute of thier lives.
I have this rule. Everyday, I hug and/or kiss my kids 100 times each. EVERYDAY! And I have done it since they were born. We spend a lot of time hugging and giving kisses in this house. But when I fall into bed exhausted at night, even if it is only to sleep 3 hours....I am so thankful everyday for those three tiny persons. I thank God everyday for them. For giving me the chance to be thier mother. I can not think what I ever did so right, to deserve to be thier mother.
My son and my oldest, oh...He is so sensitive and caring. His heart is so big and his love is so deep. He is a caring, smart, sensitive child. He wears all his emotions right out for you touch, but the love he gives. Wow. So deep and it runs so very true. His love is not like a river, it is more like an ocean. Sometimes it just washes over you. He is more sensitive to others feelings, then most adults I have met in my life. He has such an artistic talent and is so creative.
My oldest daughter and our middle child. I admire her so much. She is strong, smart, indepedent, self assured, happy all the time, and extremly easy going. Nothing gets her down. She is confident enough in her self, that she never follows the crowd. She has no problem carving her own path, when none exist. I admire the strength I see in her. And yet, it would tear her heart apart to think she ever hurt anyone.
My youngest daughter, the baby of the family, is our lovebug. She wants to make everyone better. She is a mediator and a hugger. She is extremly stubborn. I am not sure if its because she is the baby and has to be to get her way once in a while or because it is just her personality. She stands up for herself. She does not let her brother and sister bully her around. Yet, she is always quick to laugh. When one of her siblings crys, she is the first one to kiss it better. And although she always has her brother and sister, she is so content to just be alone and play by herself.
What mother could ask for more then what I have? When my heart starts to want, I ask myself that often. I really already have more then any person deserves. People stop me in stores to tell me how well my children behave. They stop me in church to compliment me on how confident they are and how well they pay attention. I have a hard time believing it is anything I have done though. They just truely are amazing individuals. I know in my heart one day, they are going to be adults I admire.
I am so lucky. Our children btw...oldest to youngest is 3 years and 2 months apart. They are 17 months between 1 and 2 and 21 months between 2 and 3. My sister joked this morning...Dang...shouldn't you guys be having another kid about now? (big sighs here) Nope. No more babies for us.
***Just a small remembrance here too....to my 3 children who never got to breathe the air of the earth on thier own. I will forever love all 6 of my children. You will always be in my heart.
Friday, February 18, 2005
Being a daughter without a Mother
Its funny. Not in a ha ha kind of way. But in an Ironic kind of way. This august, my mom will have been dead for 10 years. 10 years that seems almost like a lifetime. Its just alittle under 1/3 of my life. 10/32nds. I miss her.
Maybe it is just because my birthday is coming up. My birthday is always hard without her. But, she has been on my mind a lot this week. Little things that remind me of her. Little things that touch me and make me remember her.
Today, I was on a board I post on. And they asked what question describes you. Well, That is easy. Slow dancing with the Moon by Dolly Parton. That song is so me. Its actually a little scary. But the thing is, As I was copying the the lyrics...Another song caught my eye. It is the song that reminds me of her.
I can not believe she would be 50 now. She will forever be frozen in my mind at 41. The last week, I have been having some anxiety attacks. At least, they cant find any other cause. I do not want to die at 41. I want to live to see my children grow into adults and have children. I do not want to miss my grandchildren's births. I do not want to miss my children's weddings. I want to be there. I do not want them to hurt the way I have hurt.
I wish I had her just to talk to sometimes. I am sure after I get past my birthday it will go back to a dull pain instead of searing tear your heart out and do a dance on it pain. Too bad, birthdays happen every year.
Maybe it is just because my birthday is coming up. My birthday is always hard without her. But, she has been on my mind a lot this week. Little things that remind me of her. Little things that touch me and make me remember her.
Today, I was on a board I post on. And they asked what question describes you. Well, That is easy. Slow dancing with the Moon by Dolly Parton. That song is so me. Its actually a little scary. But the thing is, As I was copying the the lyrics...Another song caught my eye. It is the song that reminds me of her.
Eagle When She Flies
She's been there, god knows, she's been there
She has seen and done it all
She's a woman, she know how to
Dish it out or take it all
Her heart's as soft as feathers
Still she weathers stormy skies
And she's a sparrow when she's broken
But she's an eagle when she flies
A kaleidoscope of colors
You can toss her around and round
You can keep her in you vision
But you'll never keep her down
She's a lover, she's a mother
She's a friend and she's a wife
And she's a sparrow when she's broken
But she's an eagle when she flies
Gentle as the sweet magnolia
Strong as steel, her faith and pride
She's an everlasting shoulder
She's the leaning post of life
She hurts deep and when she weeps
She's just as fragile as a child
And she's a sparrow when she's broken
But she's an eagle when she flies
She's a sparrow when she's broken
But she's an eagle when she flies
Oh, bless her, lord
She's an eagle when she flies
I can not believe she would be 50 now. She will forever be frozen in my mind at 41. The last week, I have been having some anxiety attacks. At least, they cant find any other cause. I do not want to die at 41. I want to live to see my children grow into adults and have children. I do not want to miss my grandchildren's births. I do not want to miss my children's weddings. I want to be there. I do not want them to hurt the way I have hurt.
I wish I had her just to talk to sometimes. I am sure after I get past my birthday it will go back to a dull pain instead of searing tear your heart out and do a dance on it pain. Too bad, birthdays happen every year.
Tuesday, February 15, 2005
Monday, February 14, 2005
Valentines Day
Happy Valentines Day! I used to hate this day. I mean, I really really hated it. I always felt alone even if I was dating someone. Even if he bought me roses, I felt such a let down.
Then, Brian and I took friendship to more on valentines day. I love spending the day sharing with him. Last year, he got me a local artist piece of the place he proposed to me. I love it more then anything. He collects art pieces of wolves. This year, I got him a framed print with wolves on it to go with his collection. It is really nice. My son bought daddy a little horse. He said, Daddy would love it. Daddy loves that his son loves him. It could of been a rock.
We are going out to dinner tonight. The kids are going to grandma's. They picked out a stuffed monkey for grandpa and bathsalts for grandma.
Brian is an amazing husband. I am so lucky to be his wife.
I hope everyone today finds that love that I feel for Brian for someone special. Someone who deserves your love.
Then, Brian and I took friendship to more on valentines day. I love spending the day sharing with him. Last year, he got me a local artist piece of the place he proposed to me. I love it more then anything. He collects art pieces of wolves. This year, I got him a framed print with wolves on it to go with his collection. It is really nice. My son bought daddy a little horse. He said, Daddy would love it. Daddy loves that his son loves him. It could of been a rock.
We are going out to dinner tonight. The kids are going to grandma's. They picked out a stuffed monkey for grandpa and bathsalts for grandma.
Brian is an amazing husband. I am so lucky to be his wife.
I hope everyone today finds that love that I feel for Brian for someone special. Someone who deserves your love.
Saturday, February 12, 2005
High School and Reunions
It seems like a lifetime ago, I graduated from high school. I went to a school in Western Maryland named Fort Hill High school. This last week has caused a lot of memories of that time.
The other night we rented and watched Friday Night Lights. Football was a big thing in my high school. It always has been, it always will be. Between the teams, the cheerleaders and the band over 300 kids out of about 900-1100 were involved in Friday night football games. Pretty scary huh? 1/3 of the population of the school.
It was a long time ago, so long in fact....I got emails this week from classmates.com. Messages from two of the girls I went to school with planning our high school reunion for next year. 15 years. 15 years!!??!?!?! I do not feel old. I really do not. But surely, if we are looking at a 15 year reunion...I am getting older.
I was involved in a lot of things in high school. I was president of Pep Club. We went to sporting events, painted signs (including our goal post signs) and cheered for our sports teams from the stands. I was president both my junior and senior year. I was also in a group called SHOP. (Students helping other people) And Christian fellowship, Tri-Hi-Y, and Student Councel. There were others too.
It is kind of funny. As active as I was in high school, I do not feel like I came away with a lot of people who actually knew me. And most of those who I was pretty close to, I just kind of lost contact with. I am torn. I would like to go to my reunion....but it is 2,000 miles away. I need to go home next summer for a visit with my sister, so I could go during the reunion. The thing is, these people do not even know me or probably even remember me. If they do, I am not sure they would be pleasent memories. Part of that is my own doing. I just never really opened up to people and let them into my life. I have always felt like the odd ball. In high school, most of the people in my class came from very normal familys. We did not even have a phone or cable because we were so poor. We barely had enough food to get by. Even if I was in thier clubs, I was not part of thier groups.
My life is radically different now. I am an adult. I have had literally years of thearpy to deal with my past. There came a point where the old me died and a new me emerged. Ok. Maybe not died. More like a catapiller and a butterfly. I was one person, I crawled into a coocoon of depression and drinking and emerged a whole new person. Yet, part of that past person is still me. The part that stays pretty guarded about trusting people.
I have come so far beyond that person I was. I am sure many of these people have too. There still may be clicks, but as I go through the class list on different websites, I noticed people who I didnt think would have kids...dont. And people who I thought would be settled in as a family, are. Few suprises. People are pretty much doing what I pictured them doing in their lives. But I do not think I am doing what they pictured me doing. If they even bothered to notice me enough to imagine I would be anywhere in life. I made good grades in school, tried hard. I went to college like I was suppose to. Not just a run of the mill but a good school. And now, I am a stay at home mom. I searched for me, and found life has not yet gone where I want. I am not on the wrong path though, just a different one then I imagined.
I really want to write. I have always wanted to write. I have a form of dyslexia, so it seems like a silly dream. But I have this need to express my thoughts in a creative way. I have always been able to think creatively...spelling and grammer. A WHOLE other story. I was just the odd kid, with the odd clothes, with the odd personality, and the guarded spirit. What if I go and I become that person again? That person I have spent so long trying not to be anymore. That even though I am now a middle class stay at home mom....I am still seen as a poor nothing. Still....a nothing.
I do not know what I will do. Guess we will wait until next summer and see. In case you have not guessed. I did not go to my 5 or 10 year. At 5 year I was still grieving from my mothers death. And at 10, I had just had my second child and living 2,500 miles away.
The other night we rented and watched Friday Night Lights. Football was a big thing in my high school. It always has been, it always will be. Between the teams, the cheerleaders and the band over 300 kids out of about 900-1100 were involved in Friday night football games. Pretty scary huh? 1/3 of the population of the school.
It was a long time ago, so long in fact....I got emails this week from classmates.com. Messages from two of the girls I went to school with planning our high school reunion for next year. 15 years. 15 years!!??!?!?! I do not feel old. I really do not. But surely, if we are looking at a 15 year reunion...I am getting older.
I was involved in a lot of things in high school. I was president of Pep Club. We went to sporting events, painted signs (including our goal post signs) and cheered for our sports teams from the stands. I was president both my junior and senior year. I was also in a group called SHOP. (Students helping other people) And Christian fellowship, Tri-Hi-Y, and Student Councel. There were others too.
It is kind of funny. As active as I was in high school, I do not feel like I came away with a lot of people who actually knew me. And most of those who I was pretty close to, I just kind of lost contact with. I am torn. I would like to go to my reunion....but it is 2,000 miles away. I need to go home next summer for a visit with my sister, so I could go during the reunion. The thing is, these people do not even know me or probably even remember me. If they do, I am not sure they would be pleasent memories. Part of that is my own doing. I just never really opened up to people and let them into my life. I have always felt like the odd ball. In high school, most of the people in my class came from very normal familys. We did not even have a phone or cable because we were so poor. We barely had enough food to get by. Even if I was in thier clubs, I was not part of thier groups.
My life is radically different now. I am an adult. I have had literally years of thearpy to deal with my past. There came a point where the old me died and a new me emerged. Ok. Maybe not died. More like a catapiller and a butterfly. I was one person, I crawled into a coocoon of depression and drinking and emerged a whole new person. Yet, part of that past person is still me. The part that stays pretty guarded about trusting people.
I have come so far beyond that person I was. I am sure many of these people have too. There still may be clicks, but as I go through the class list on different websites, I noticed people who I didnt think would have kids...dont. And people who I thought would be settled in as a family, are. Few suprises. People are pretty much doing what I pictured them doing in their lives. But I do not think I am doing what they pictured me doing. If they even bothered to notice me enough to imagine I would be anywhere in life. I made good grades in school, tried hard. I went to college like I was suppose to. Not just a run of the mill but a good school. And now, I am a stay at home mom. I searched for me, and found life has not yet gone where I want. I am not on the wrong path though, just a different one then I imagined.
I really want to write. I have always wanted to write. I have a form of dyslexia, so it seems like a silly dream. But I have this need to express my thoughts in a creative way. I have always been able to think creatively...spelling and grammer. A WHOLE other story. I was just the odd kid, with the odd clothes, with the odd personality, and the guarded spirit. What if I go and I become that person again? That person I have spent so long trying not to be anymore. That even though I am now a middle class stay at home mom....I am still seen as a poor nothing. Still....a nothing.
I do not know what I will do. Guess we will wait until next summer and see. In case you have not guessed. I did not go to my 5 or 10 year. At 5 year I was still grieving from my mothers death. And at 10, I had just had my second child and living 2,500 miles away.
Friday, February 11, 2005
My Politics in a Nut shell
Party affiliation/identification
Indepedent
_______________________
Personal liberties
We should have freedom to the point that it interfears with someone elses freedom. But we should never have the right to stand in the way of anothers freedoms to protect our own.
_______________________
Social / Educational / Health issues
Our school systems need a major overall. Our health system does as well. But the change should come at the will of the people not the will of the govt. More social programs at a private level then through the govt.
_______________________
Government finance / Spending / Taxes
Better spending by the govt and less spending of tax dollars on very partisian issues. (abortions, etc..) Better accountability to the people on how our tax dollars are spent. More money put into protecting our nation.
_______________________
Religious / Cultural / Family / Abortion issues
The rights of Christians should never be taken away. It was a nation founded by Christians. We need a more moral society brought about by people being more moral. Not by governing morality. Our leaders need to be the first to lead by example however. Pro-life. Pro-Family. Anti-Gay Marriage.
_______________________
Economic and Labor issues / Welfare / Social Security
There has to be a balance between worker and management. I can see it from both sides. Union family, my husband now is management. Welfare should only be programs that educate people...not long term support that does not help you evolve. Social security needs to become private as well.
_______________________
Constitutional / Government issues
Constitution is the bases of our nation. It is the most important piece of legislation.
_______________________
Crime / Legal issues Anti-death pentalty.
I do not believe in taking a life in any form of murder. We do need tougher punishements and quicker judgements though. Criminals should have to "pay" the debt of thier incarsination through work within prisons.
_______________________
Energy / Transportation / Environmental issues
The enviroment is not an issue. No one says, "Let's go kill some trees for fun today." But at the same time. to chose between a bird going extinct that affects no one but that bird and 2,000 people out of a job...well, the bird can go. (Local Mine issue side rant)
_______________________
Foreign policy / Trade / Immigration
If nations want our aid and protection, they should be expected to accept decisions we make for ourselves as a nation. We made a big mistake allowing countries to export more then they import.
_______________________
National Security / Military issues
National security has to be the number 1 issue. I am pro war in Iraq, Pro war in Afganastan, And I believe we need to go to them, not allow them to come to us. I believe we also need better packages for our retiring vets along with better health facilities. Soldiers are the reason we are free.
_______________________
Personal Beliefs
People need to stop expecting the govt to make the changes and change themselves and help by asking others to change as well on a personal level. Take personal responsibility for thier actions and expect others to do the same.
Indepedent
_______________________
Personal liberties
We should have freedom to the point that it interfears with someone elses freedom. But we should never have the right to stand in the way of anothers freedoms to protect our own.
_______________________
Social / Educational / Health issues
Our school systems need a major overall. Our health system does as well. But the change should come at the will of the people not the will of the govt. More social programs at a private level then through the govt.
_______________________
Government finance / Spending / Taxes
Better spending by the govt and less spending of tax dollars on very partisian issues. (abortions, etc..) Better accountability to the people on how our tax dollars are spent. More money put into protecting our nation.
_______________________
Religious / Cultural / Family / Abortion issues
The rights of Christians should never be taken away. It was a nation founded by Christians. We need a more moral society brought about by people being more moral. Not by governing morality. Our leaders need to be the first to lead by example however. Pro-life. Pro-Family. Anti-Gay Marriage.
_______________________
Economic and Labor issues / Welfare / Social Security
There has to be a balance between worker and management. I can see it from both sides. Union family, my husband now is management. Welfare should only be programs that educate people...not long term support that does not help you evolve. Social security needs to become private as well.
_______________________
Constitutional / Government issues
Constitution is the bases of our nation. It is the most important piece of legislation.
_______________________
Crime / Legal issues Anti-death pentalty.
I do not believe in taking a life in any form of murder. We do need tougher punishements and quicker judgements though. Criminals should have to "pay" the debt of thier incarsination through work within prisons.
_______________________
Energy / Transportation / Environmental issues
The enviroment is not an issue. No one says, "Let's go kill some trees for fun today." But at the same time. to chose between a bird going extinct that affects no one but that bird and 2,000 people out of a job...well, the bird can go. (Local Mine issue side rant)
_______________________
Foreign policy / Trade / Immigration
If nations want our aid and protection, they should be expected to accept decisions we make for ourselves as a nation. We made a big mistake allowing countries to export more then they import.
_______________________
National Security / Military issues
National security has to be the number 1 issue. I am pro war in Iraq, Pro war in Afganastan, And I believe we need to go to them, not allow them to come to us. I believe we also need better packages for our retiring vets along with better health facilities. Soldiers are the reason we are free.
_______________________
Personal Beliefs
People need to stop expecting the govt to make the changes and change themselves and help by asking others to change as well on a personal level. Take personal responsibility for thier actions and expect others to do the same.
Thursday, February 10, 2005
Birthdays, Anniversarys and Valentines Day
In two days, Brian and I will have been together for 6 years. 6 years. EEK! I can honestly say It is amazing to me. I still love him so much. Sometimes I worry I love him a little too much. But then I see that he may love me just a little too much too.
We are not like other couples. We do not take vacations minus our children. Our children all have colds and well, Last night our king bed slept 5. Well, until our almost 4 year old threw up from all the snot running down her throat (she has a sensitive stomach) and I took her and "the baby" (Our almost 23.5 month old) to the other queen size bed to sleep. Today of course I have had to do a lot of laundry. But that is what we are. Not just a couple, a family. Brian completes me in a way I can not explain. His love makes me grow and change and encourages me to be the best person I can be. We have had our hard times, but that deep love is there and I know always will be. We do not go out with other people, and we spend all our free time together. We enjoy each others company.
As you can imagine, valentines day is pretty special to us. I need to find him another gift. I have given him all the ones I bought him already. lol. And all the cards too. Bad Me. We went out of town for a weekend getaway 2 weekends ago, so I am not sure we can get a babysitter for even to go out for dinner this weekend. Will have to see.
Next week I will be 32 years old. Not a big milestone I guess. But, I do not feel 32. I do not feel 30!! I still feel like a young 20something. I keep wondering how I kept ageing and life kept going and I feel like I stopped a long time ago.
As I age I become a lot more conservative. Issues that before I would be opposed to I felt I didnt have a right to say anything else about....now, I am a mother. Every issue is a matter personal to me. We are talking about my children's future. How can I not speak up on them?
The week after my birthday my baby girl turns 2. She has words, she just does not use them. And boy has she already started to act two. I may not survive. She is going to be the worst by far. That little cross my arms and tell you "humph." Lord, Grant me patiance please.
Life just is going so fast. I just want it to slow down so I can spend this day loving my family. I do not want this day to slip away....Not before I can tell them how much they mean to me.
I am a little sentimental today. I read a post on one of my hangouts from a mom whose own mother died 18 years ago. She and I post together on a conservative message board. August will be 10 years since my own mom died. There is this anger you carry with you. That she missed so much of your life. And a little jealousy that others got to have thier moms at their weddings or when they had thier first child. There is a saddness and a feeling of being alone in the world. Moms are special. My mom was the best. But that is a post for another day......
We are not like other couples. We do not take vacations minus our children. Our children all have colds and well, Last night our king bed slept 5. Well, until our almost 4 year old threw up from all the snot running down her throat (she has a sensitive stomach) and I took her and "the baby" (Our almost 23.5 month old) to the other queen size bed to sleep. Today of course I have had to do a lot of laundry. But that is what we are. Not just a couple, a family. Brian completes me in a way I can not explain. His love makes me grow and change and encourages me to be the best person I can be. We have had our hard times, but that deep love is there and I know always will be. We do not go out with other people, and we spend all our free time together. We enjoy each others company.
As you can imagine, valentines day is pretty special to us. I need to find him another gift. I have given him all the ones I bought him already. lol. And all the cards too. Bad Me. We went out of town for a weekend getaway 2 weekends ago, so I am not sure we can get a babysitter for even to go out for dinner this weekend. Will have to see.
Next week I will be 32 years old. Not a big milestone I guess. But, I do not feel 32. I do not feel 30!! I still feel like a young 20something. I keep wondering how I kept ageing and life kept going and I feel like I stopped a long time ago.
As I age I become a lot more conservative. Issues that before I would be opposed to I felt I didnt have a right to say anything else about....now, I am a mother. Every issue is a matter personal to me. We are talking about my children's future. How can I not speak up on them?
The week after my birthday my baby girl turns 2. She has words, she just does not use them. And boy has she already started to act two. I may not survive. She is going to be the worst by far. That little cross my arms and tell you "humph." Lord, Grant me patiance please.
Life just is going so fast. I just want it to slow down so I can spend this day loving my family. I do not want this day to slip away....Not before I can tell them how much they mean to me.
I am a little sentimental today. I read a post on one of my hangouts from a mom whose own mother died 18 years ago. She and I post together on a conservative message board. August will be 10 years since my own mom died. There is this anger you carry with you. That she missed so much of your life. And a little jealousy that others got to have thier moms at their weddings or when they had thier first child. There is a saddness and a feeling of being alone in the world. Moms are special. My mom was the best. But that is a post for another day......
Wednesday, February 09, 2005
A fun Link
This Game is invisable people. There are pictures with the peoples faces missing. You have to guess which movie it is a scene from. Just the people are removed. Here are the ones I have come up with. As you can see....I am missing a few. Can anyone fill in my "missing" guesses.
Try it first for yourself! Its fun. A little creepy. But fun none the less.
D
O
N
O
T
S
C
R
O
L
L
Until you are ready to answer
1. Dead Poets Society
2. Unforgiven
3:
4. Almost Famous
5. My Girl
6:
7:
8. Sleepless in Seattle
9. Full Metal Jacket
10. Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back
11. Lawrence of Arabia
12. Gremlins
13:
14:
15. Saturday Night Fever
16. Field of dreams
17:
18. Pulp Fiction
19:
20. I am Sam
21. Ransom
22:
23. Lost in America
24. The Fugitive
25. Mr Deeds
26:
27. A Knights Tale
28. The Blair Witch Project
29. Eyes Wide Shut
30. Hellraiser
31. A Christmas Story
32. Good Will Hunting
33. Forrest Gump
34. Office Space
35. Caddyshack
36:
37. The Fisher King
38. Shrek
39. Four Weddings and a Funeral
40:
41:
42. The Cable Guy
43. Porky's
44:
45:
46. Trading Places
47. The Matrix
48:
49:
50:
51. Grease
52:
53. Naked Gun
54:
55. Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid
56:
57. Boogie Nights
58:
59. The Fast and the Furious
60:
61. Schindler's List
62. Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory
63. Jerry Macguire
64:
65. Deliverance
66. The Waterboy
67. The Full Monty
68. The Breakfast Club
69:
70. White Men Can't Jump
71. Sleepy Hollow
72. Godzilla
Try it first for yourself! Its fun. A little creepy. But fun none the less.
D
O
N
O
T
S
C
R
O
L
L
Until you are ready to answer
1. Dead Poets Society
2. Unforgiven
3:
4. Almost Famous
5. My Girl
6:
7:
8. Sleepless in Seattle
9. Full Metal Jacket
10. Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back
11. Lawrence of Arabia
12. Gremlins
13:
14:
15. Saturday Night Fever
16. Field of dreams
17:
18. Pulp Fiction
19:
20. I am Sam
21. Ransom
22:
23. Lost in America
24. The Fugitive
25. Mr Deeds
26:
27. A Knights Tale
28. The Blair Witch Project
29. Eyes Wide Shut
30. Hellraiser
31. A Christmas Story
32. Good Will Hunting
33. Forrest Gump
34. Office Space
35. Caddyshack
36:
37. The Fisher King
38. Shrek
39. Four Weddings and a Funeral
40:
41:
42. The Cable Guy
43. Porky's
44:
45:
46. Trading Places
47. The Matrix
48:
49:
50:
51. Grease
52:
53. Naked Gun
54:
55. Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid
56:
57. Boogie Nights
58:
59. The Fast and the Furious
60:
61. Schindler's List
62. Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory
63. Jerry Macguire
64:
65. Deliverance
66. The Waterboy
67. The Full Monty
68. The Breakfast Club
69:
70. White Men Can't Jump
71. Sleepy Hollow
72. Godzilla
Faith Growing
Acts 5: 12-And by the hands of the apostles were many signs and wonders wrought
among the people; (and they were all with one accord in Solomon's porch.
13
And of the rest durst no man join himself to them: but the people magnified
them.
14 And believers were the more added to the Lord, multitudes both of
men and women.)
15 Insomuch that they brought forth the sick into the
streets, and laid [them] on beds and couches, that at the least the shadow of
Peter passing by might overshadow some of them.
16 There came also a
multitude [out] of the cities round about unto Jerusalem, bringing sick folks,
and them which were vexed with unclean spirits: and they were healed every one.
17 Then the high priest rose up, and all they that were with him, (which is
the sect of the Sadducees,) and were filled with indignation,
18 And laid
their hands on the apostles, and put them in the common prison.
19 But the
angel of the Lord by night opened the prison doors, and brought them forth, and
said,
20 Go, stand and speak in the temple to the people all the words of
this life.
21 And when they heard [that], they entered into the temple early
in the morning, and taught. But the high priest came, and they that were with
him, and called the council together, and all the senate of the children of
Israel, and sent to the prison to have them brought.
22 But when the
officers came, and found them not in the prison, they returned, and told,
23
Saying, The prison truly found we shut with all safety, and the keepers standing
without before the doors: but when we had opened, we found no man within.
24
Now when the high priest and the captain of the temple and the chief priests
heard these things, they doubted of them whereunto this would grow.
25 Then
came one and told them, saying, Behold, the men whom ye put in prison are
standing in the temple, and teaching the people.
26 Then went the captain
with the officers, and brought them without violence: for they feared the
people, lest they should have been stoned.
27 And when they had brought
them, they set [them] before the council: and the high priest asked them,
28
Saying, Did not we straitly command you that ye should not teach in this name?
and, behold, ye have filled Jerusalem with your doctrine, and intend to bring
this man's blood upon us.
29 Then Peter and the [other] apostles answered
and said, We ought to obey God rather than men.
30 The God of our fathers
raised up Jesus, whom ye slew and hanged on a tree.
31 Him hath God exalted
with his right hand [to be] a Prince and a Saviour, for to give repentance to
Israel, and forgiveness of sins.
32 And we are his witnesses of these
things; and [so is] also the Holy Ghost, whom God hath given to them that obey
him.
33 When they heard [that], they were cut [to the heart], and took
counsel to slay them.
34 Then stood there up one in the council, a Pharisee,
named Gamaliel, a doctor of the law, had in reputation among all the people, and
commanded to put the apostles forth a little space;
35 And said unto them,
Ye men of Israel, take heed to yourselves what ye intend to do as touching these
men.
36 For before these days rose up Theudas, boasting himself to be
somebody; to whom a number of men, about four hundred, joined themselves: who
was slain; and all, as many as obeyed him, were scattered, and brought to
nought.
37 After this man rose up Judas of Galilee in the days of the
taxing, and drew away much people after him: he also perished; and all, [even]
as many as obeyed him, were dispersed.
38 And now I say unto you, Refrain
from these men, and let them alone: for if this counsel or this work be of men,
it will come to nought:
39 But if it be of God, ye cannot overthrow it; lest
haply ye be found even to fight against God.
40 And to him they agreed: and
when they had called the apostles, and beaten [them], they commanded that they
should not speak in the name of Jesus, and let them go.
41 And they departed
from the presence of the council, rejoicing that they were counted worthy to
suffer shame for his name.
42 And daily in the temple, and in every house,
they ceased not to teach and preach Jesus Christ.
I attended a workshop a few weekends ago. It was hosted by the Methodist Church. The series of workshops was called Equipping Disciples Education. The morning workshop I attended was called Church Outside the walls.
We talked about faith raising. So many churches in today's day and age are trying to grow thier churches. Baby boomers and younger do not give as much as what members of the "great generation" did. So, Many churches are now facing the challenge of growing thier church.
When you look at the numbers, they are beyond sad. Membership is down, attendance is down, baptism is down. What many care about though is the fact that giving is down.
I think the thing is though...we are so worried about raising profit...we forget our main purpose. Our purpose as a church is not to grow profit, but instead to Raise the faith. We are God's disciples. It is our job to go into the world and make disciples of all those we come across. We are so busy looking at the dollar and cents, we are forgetting about the souls we are suppose to be saving.
Going to church for the first time..or the first time in ages is scary. It is scary that you will not know where to go, how to get there, what to do at the approriate moments, etc. But yet, you want to feel welcomed but not embarrassed. Churches today are walking a very fine line in making people comfortable while bringing them to God.
Evangelism has become a dirty word. But if we, as a church universal, want to grow...we need to start doing things differently. We need to take our message out instead of circling the wagons. We need to go into our communties and show them who we are. We need to all be willing to open our doors so that people may feel free to come in and join us. We can not depend on people to come to church because it is what thier parents did. We need to take the faith to where the people are.
Churches need to take pride and use thier own resources. It is ok for your church to build on what it has to offer. Do not feel bad because you are lacking here or lacking there. IT is about building on the resources that God has already given you. Use them in creative ways. What churches are doing now is not working. We have to change or die out. It is that simple. And it is not a matter of our own existance, but what happens to God's message when we are not there to share it?
God commands us and calls us to go out and do His work. Do not make assumptions though. Too many times churches pit themselves against each other instead of working together. We all have the same goal. To share God's message.
People are scared to come into a new church for the first time. Most of them are seeking something. When they do come it is for things like funerals or weddings. But today, most people want to remain part of the wallpaper but want acknowledged and to be made felt welcome. So to grow the faith, how do spread the good news without making those we are taking the message to uncomfortable?
The preacher who taught this workshops solution was to raise visability in the community. It is important that the church itself takes pride in what it has to offer. Accept your strong points and build on them. You need signs in your church with clear directions, resources available to guide people through getting to know your church, maybe expanding what your church has to offer to fit the needs of those coming in. A contemporary service with a more traditional one seperate. Or taking small study groups into the communty so that they can find out what you are about.
A few weeks ago in choir we were talking about what it means to be Methodist. One choir member (C) said "you mean we are going to sing ash wednesday, maundy thursday, good friday and easter sunday after doing our cantata on palm sunday?" and our pastor said "If the preacher preaches, the choir sings." another member of the choir (L) said, "And we pass the offering plate." While funny, it is a sad statement about what church has become. Yet, it is reassuring that you always know what to expect.
The Month of visability is simple. You pick one month. He chose Oct. I will get to why in a few mins. But Every group in your church in that month goes into the community...with a sign or banner...and reaches out and holds thier meeting in the community. That is board members may meet in resturants, Bible studys in a local library, sunday school groups in mcdonalds play room, a covered dish dinner in a local central location like a city park, etc. Go to places that people hang out in your community. Everywhere you go, your little sign is vital. In that month, people will see your group repeatidly. They will start asking questions of you. You can then invite them in. They will know someone before they ever walk in the door! But the key is to go where the people are. Do not hold your meetings in out of the way places. But in very public places where lots of people are. Be in parades, Do a big open service in a public place, try things like tshirts-caps-bumper stickers for your church members, have your choir sing in a public event, give each member of your congregation 10$ to go and do God's work in the community. Have them share with the people they help about this "Community missionwork" drive.
Bring creative people from your church onto a team to "grow your church" by faith sharing. If you make faith sharing your goal, the other issues will take care of themselves.
Tuesday, February 08, 2005
Vacations, New Computers and Messed up Formats
For some reason I am not seeing this blog as it should look. It could be I got a new Computer while I was gone. Ok. So My dear sweet husband bought a new computer for me to use at home for all the desktop publishing stuff I do...while I was away on vacation. Hence the name of this entry.
I will try to figure what is up with it today later if I have time. Right now, I still have to finishing unpacking and doing laundry. Get the kids settled back into life at home.
We had a wonderful time on our trip. First my husband and I's little get away. It was so amazing. We went out dancing. Ah. Been a while since I texas two stepped. hehe. It was so fun though. We stayed in an awsome hotel with an incredible suite. And then the kidlets and I took off with my motherinlaw for a few days to visit Brian's grandma. We had to put her in a nursing home last nov. It was heartbreaking. But it was nice to see her. The kids and me miss her so much. She is the sweetest women. It was so nice to have the time for the kids to hug her and kiss her. And we played progressive rummy at MIL's sisters houses. Awsome. I came in last one night and first the next.
I love card games. Progressive rummy is great. But my favorite is spades. I am a vicious spades player. ;) Hearts is pretty fun and so is High-Lo. We play a lot of yahtzee too (dice game). I like games. What can I say.
Well, That laundry pile is calling me. As well as the kids pulling on me for thier mid morning snack. My 5 year old is going to starve next year in kindergarden without a mid morning snack. lol. Goofy kid.
Btw. woohooo!!!! He made it to the top of the slide! Not a big deal I guess to many. But with my son...that is a huge accomplishment. Its hard when your world exist in extremes and you are extremly afraid of everything and sensitive to sounds, heights, touch, etc. My oldest has SI dysfunction-hypersenstive. This is a huge accomplishment. I am still celebrating!!! woohooo!
I will try to figure what is up with it today later if I have time. Right now, I still have to finishing unpacking and doing laundry. Get the kids settled back into life at home.
We had a wonderful time on our trip. First my husband and I's little get away. It was so amazing. We went out dancing. Ah. Been a while since I texas two stepped. hehe. It was so fun though. We stayed in an awsome hotel with an incredible suite. And then the kidlets and I took off with my motherinlaw for a few days to visit Brian's grandma. We had to put her in a nursing home last nov. It was heartbreaking. But it was nice to see her. The kids and me miss her so much. She is the sweetest women. It was so nice to have the time for the kids to hug her and kiss her. And we played progressive rummy at MIL's sisters houses. Awsome. I came in last one night and first the next.
I love card games. Progressive rummy is great. But my favorite is spades. I am a vicious spades player. ;) Hearts is pretty fun and so is High-Lo. We play a lot of yahtzee too (dice game). I like games. What can I say.
Well, That laundry pile is calling me. As well as the kids pulling on me for thier mid morning snack. My 5 year old is going to starve next year in kindergarden without a mid morning snack. lol. Goofy kid.
Btw. woohooo!!!! He made it to the top of the slide! Not a big deal I guess to many. But with my son...that is a huge accomplishment. Its hard when your world exist in extremes and you are extremly afraid of everything and sensitive to sounds, heights, touch, etc. My oldest has SI dysfunction-hypersenstive. This is a huge accomplishment. I am still celebrating!!! woohooo!
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