Friday, January 28, 2005

PBS, The Church and Same Sex Marriages

Postcards from Buster has an episode that involves same sex marriages....but it will not be aired.

By Ben Feller
Associated Press
Published January 26, 2005


WASHINGTON -- The nation's new education secretary denounced PBS on Tuesday for spending public money on a cartoon with lesbian characters, saying many parents would not want children exposed to such lifestyles.

The not-yet-aired episode of "Postcards From Buster" shows the title character, an animated bunny named Buster, on a trip to Vermont, a state that recognizes same-sex civil unions. The episode features two lesbian couples, although the focus is on farm life and maple sugaring.

A PBS spokeswoman, Lea Sloan, said late Tuesday that the non-profit network has decided not to distribute the episode, called "Sugartime!," to its 349 stations. She said the Education Department's objections were not a factor in that decision.

"Ultimately, our decision was based on the fact that we recognize this is a sensitive issue, and we wanted to make sure that parents had an opportunity to introduce this subject to their children in their own time," said Sloan


Post cards from Buster is a spin off of the popular Arthur show.

The USA TODAY also had a story on this called Education secretary blasts children's show
By Greg Toppo.

WASHINGTON — Public TV stations that don't mind an animated bunny breaking bread with a same-sex couple have the option of airing a show that the U.S. secretary of education finds objectionable.
The as-yet-unaired episode of Postcards from Buster, an animated children's travelogue, takes place in Vermont, which recognizes same-sex civil unions. Buster, a bunny who also appears in PBS' long-running Arthur series, meets real children and sends "video postcards" back home. In the Vermont episode, a girl introduces Buster to "my mom and Gillian," and the group sits down to dinner.

PBS, which receives a federal literacy grant to produce the show, pulled it Tuesday amid criticism from Education Secretary Margaret Spellings, who blasted it for featuring lesbian parents. But the show's creator, Boston station WGBH, will air it anyway and can provide the show to other PBS stations. A WGBH spokeswoman said Wednesday that a dozen stations have asked to take a look and decide for themselves.

Spellings, a former White House domestic adviser whose first day as education secretary was Monday, wrote PBS president Pat Mitchell on Tuesday with "strong and very serious concerns."

She says the episode strays from the intent of the government program designed to prepare preschoolers for school: "Many parents would not want their young children exposed to the lifestyles portrayed in this episode."

Spellings was applauded by James Dobson's Focus on the Family, which has criticized the use of the SpongeBob SquarePants cartoon character in a video it says promotes homosexuality.

Karen Pike, one of the Vermont mothers, called the objections "disgusting." The show is "trying to show that kids are kids and that there are many kinds of families," says Pike, 42, a photographer who has done freelance work for USA TODAY.

Spellings also asks that PBS "strongly consider" refunding the federal money used for the episode. John Wilson, PBS's senior vice president for programming, says PBS will not refund the money but will shoot another episode.

Wilson says PBS officials already had decided to pull the episode before Spellings' letter arrived. The mention of same-sex parents, while "pure backdrop," was obscuring "what we had hoped would be a wonderful story about sugaring in Vermont," he says.

Asked how Buster reacted to the two moms, Wilson replied: "Buster is a very tolerant and accepting rabbit, and he sort of took it at face value."Education secretary blasts children's show
By Greg Toppo, USA TODAY
WASHINGTON — Public TV stations that don't mind an animated bunny breaking bread with a same-sex couple have the option of airing a show that the U.S. secretary of education finds objectionable.
The as-yet-unaired episode of Postcards from Buster, an animated children's travelogue, takes place in Vermont, which recognizes same-sex civil unions. Buster, a bunny who also appears in PBS' long-running Arthur series, meets real children and sends "video postcards" back home. In the Vermont episode, a girl introduces Buster to "my mom and Gillian," and the group sits down to dinner.

PBS, which receives a federal literacy grant to produce the show, pulled it Tuesday amid criticism from Education Secretary Margaret Spellings, who blasted it for featuring lesbian parents. But the show's creator, Boston station WGBH, will air it anyway and can provide the show to other PBS stations. A WGBH spokeswoman said Wednesday that a dozen stations have asked to take a look and decide for themselves.

Spellings, a former White House domestic adviser whose first day as education secretary was Monday, wrote PBS president Pat Mitchell on Tuesday with "strong and very serious concerns."

She says the episode strays from the intent of the government program designed to prepare preschoolers for school: "Many parents would not want their young children exposed to the lifestyles portrayed in this episode."

Spellings was applauded by James Dobson's Focus on the Family, which has criticized the use of the SpongeBob SquarePants cartoon character in a video it says promotes homosexuality.

Karen Pike, one of the Vermont mothers, called the objections "disgusting." The show is "trying to show that kids are kids and that there are many kinds of families," says Pike, 42, a photographer who has done freelance work for USA TODAY.

Spellings also asks that PBS "strongly consider" refunding the federal money used for the episode. John Wilson, PBS's senior vice president for programming, says PBS will not refund the money but will shoot another episode.

Wilson says PBS officials already had decided to pull the episode before Spellings' letter arrived. The mention of same-sex parents, while "pure backdrop," was obscuring "what we had hoped would be a wonderful story about sugaring in Vermont," he says.

Asked how Buster reacted to the two moms, Wilson replied: "Buster is a very tolerant and accepting rabbit, and he sort of took it at face value."

It is not PBS's job to teach my children that a behavior is acceptable that I do not find it to be. I will not let my children watch a show that promotes living together outside marriage because it is a sin. I do believe that homosexual acts are sins.

Earlier this week there was an article in the paper. The state of Illinois or Indiana....I forget. They said that churches could not deny homosexuals jobs based on thier sexual status. Well, the law was passed across the board. No job could deny based on a person being a homosexual. And legislators of that state said, well, we will not pursue the law in regard to churches. But there is no written exception.

How can the government make laws that govern religion? Isnt that the idea of how our Constitution was set up? That The government should not force anyone to follow one religion or denomination....and they would stay out of the churches bussiness since the church was not in thier bussiness? Only, apparently it does not apply when they want the church to find a sin as acceptable. What a sad statement about our nation.

Wednesday, January 26, 2005

Secret Get Aways

We are going on a not so secret get away this weekend. This is the first time since having children, we will be sneaking off without them. I feel guilty and at the same time....excited.

We have a church confrance to go to this weekend. I really could do without the confrance...but it is a good reason to be away. We will spend all day saturday learning how to serve the church.

But we get to go down on friday night. We will go dancing. We will go eat at resturants without kiddie menus. We will maybe catch a movie before we come home Sunday evening.

The kids are staying with Grandma. They are excited...and a little nervous. But this will be great for all of us. Couples need time alone together. My dear husband who has to be bugged a million times to do things like make reservations....has had these made for a month. I think he is pretty excited about our trip.

This is the furthest I will have ever been away from my babies. I know they are not babies anymore. My son will start school this fall. I will have a child in Kindergarden! This is a big step for this family. I know we are going to have fun. Now, If I would just get busy and get all of us packed to be gone from friday morning until sunday night!

Thursday, January 20, 2005

Hymns of Praise

Last Sunday, As I sang the hymns during service and the choir anthem, I had to wonder what in the world Rev. Massey was thinking when he picked those hymns. They just did not seem to fit together.

The Choral Response to the Call to worship was "I shall call upon the Lord." This is a very upbeat tune. It has a real rocking beat to it and you just want to bounce to the music.

I shall call upon the Lord, Who is worthy to be praised. So, shall I be saved from my enemies. I will call upon the Lord.

The Lord liveth, blessed be the Rock and let the God of my salvation be exalted. The Lord Liveth and blessed be the Rock; and let the god of my salvation be exhalted.

Then the first hymn the congregation sang was an old John Wesley tune. "And Can It Be That I should Gain." This song is one LONG song. An old Traditional Hymn.

And can it be that I should gain an int’rest in the Savior’s blood?
Died he for me, who caused his pain? For me, who him to death pursued?
Amazing love! How can it be that thou, my God, shouldst die for me?
Amazing love! How can it be that thou, my God, shouldst die for me?

’Tis myst’ry all! Th’Immortal dies: who can explore his strange design?
In vain the firstborn seraph tries to sound the depths of love divine.
’Tis mercy all! Let earth adore, let angel minds inquire no more.
Amazing love! How can it be that thou, my God, shouldst die for me?

He left his Father’s throne above (so free, so infinite His grace!),
emptied himself of all but love, and bled for Adam’s helpless race.
’Tis mercy all, immense and free; for, O my God, it found out me!
Amazing love! How can it be that thou, my God, shouldst die for me?

No condemnation now I dread; Jesus, and all in him, is mine!
Alive in him, my living Head, and clothed in righteousness divine,
bold I approach th’eternal throne, and claim the crown, through Christ, my own.
Amazing love! How can it be that thou, my God, shouldst die for me?


The Choir then sang for its Anthem, "O the Deep, Deep Love of Jesus." This is a beautiful song. But the tune to the song can drag if you do not do it just right. One very beautiful piece of music. It is a slow traditional hymn.

O the deep, deep love of Jesus, vast, unmeasured, boundless, free!
Rolling as a mighty ocean in its fullness over me!
Underneath me, all around me, is the current of Thy love
Leading onward, leading homeward to Thy glorious rest above!

O the deep, deep love of Jesus, spread His praise from shore to shore!
How He loveth, ever loveth, changeth never, nevermore!
How He watches o’er His loved ones, died to call them all His own;
How for them He intercedeth, watcheth o’er them from the throne!

O the deep, deep love of Jesus, love of every love the best!
’Tis an ocean full of blessing, ’tis a haven giving rest!
O the deep, deep love of Jesus, ’tis a heaven of heavens to me;
And it lifts me up to glory, for it lifts me up to Thee!


The Congregation then sang for our Hymn of preparation "Pass It On." This is a modern Hymn and very popular.

It only takes a spark to get a fire going,
And soon all those around can warm up in its glowing;
That's how it is with God's Love,
Once you've experienced it,
Your spread the love to everyone
You want to pass it on.

What a wonderous time is spring,
When all the tress are budding
The birds begin to sing, the flowers start their blooming;
That's how it is with God's love,
Once you've experienced it.
You want to sing, it's fresh like spring,
You want to pass it on.

I wish for you my friend
This happiness that I've found;
You can depend on God
It matters not where you're bound,
I'll shout it from the mountain top - PRAISE GOD!
I want the world to know
The Lord of love has come to me
I want to pass it on.

And to finish off our sermon, We sang "Victory in Jesus." This is by far one of my favorite hymns. Something about that gospel sound. It leads your heart straight to the Lord and His love.

          I heard an old, old story,
          How a Savior came from glory,
          How He gave His life on Calvary
          To save a wretch like me;
          I heard about His groaning,
          Of His precious blood's atoning,
          Then I repented of my sins
          And won the victory.

            Chorus
            O victory in Jesus,
            My Savior, forever.
            He sought me and bought me
            With His redeeming blood;
            He loved me ere I knew Him
            And all my love is due Him,
            He plunged me to victory,
            Beneath the cleansing flood.

          I heard about His healing,
          Of His cleansing pow'r revealing.
          How He made the lame to walk again
          And caused the blind to see;
          And then I cried, "Dear Jesus,
          Come and heal my broken spirit,"
          And somehow Jesus came and bro't
          To me the victory.

            Chorus
            O victory in Jesus,
            My Savior, forever.
            He sought me and bought me
            With His redeeming blood;
            He loved me ere I knew Him
            And all my love is due Him,
            He plunged me to victory,
            Beneath the cleansing flood.

          I heard about a mansion
          He has built for me in glory.
          And I heard about the streets of gold
          Beyond the crystal sea;
          About the angels singing,
          And the old redemption story,
          And some sweet day I'll sing up there
          The song of victory.

            Chorus
            O victory in Jesus,
            My Savior, forever.
            He sought me and bought me
            With His redeeming blood;
            He loved me ere I knew Him
            And all my love is due Him,
            He plunged me to victory,
            Beneath the cleansing flood.
I can not imagine what led our preacher to pick the songs he did next Sunday. But each touched me in such a special way. The combination of different styles of music. All praising God. Something, truly for everyone. How wonderful it is to be surrounded and touched by God's love.

Wednesday, January 19, 2005

Condi Gets the Nod from Panel

Fox.com ran the headline Senate Panel Confirms Rice today. Click the link for the article. By a 16 to 2 vote, it passed the senate panel. The two voting against it were Boxer and Kerry.

Barbara Boxer is a very angry women. First holding up the vote on certification of the electoral votes and now her personal attacks on Dr Rice. And I have to be honest. I wonder if Kerry is going to spend his time....when he actually shows up for work....voting agaisnt Bush at every turn. Will either win thier states seat next time they are up? And More then that....do they really represent the beliefs of those who elected them? And if they do, does the rest of America really understand these people's core makeup?

Obama's first vote and he gave the nod to Dr Rice. Of course Democratic Underground then had to belittle his decision to do so. In a thread titled, WTF is up with Obama??, they critize thier hero. The man they thought would save them, in his first congressional move played politics. They wanted this freshmen senator to stand up to 95% of washington? Someone is being unrealistic in thier understanding of politics here. Guess who?

truebrit71
What's the difference if the "democrats" we elect vote for republicans..

..and their policies all the time???

Seriously, what's the difference?

I would rather have 6 Senators that voted no, and went down defending our priniples and our beliefs, rather than the bunch we have now rolling over and getting their (pork-filled) bellies scratched for being good doggies....

If they don't vote as Democrats, for Democratic principles and Democratic ideals WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE


and


Tierra_y_Libertad
41. "Right" in what sense?

What was "right" with a vote for Secretary of State who believes

that the USA has the right to invade and subjugate countries

that won't bend over to it?

His lack of courage and conviction are evident. Either that or

he just another opportunistic politician doing what he think's

is going to keep his seat at the trough.


Democrats are turning on thier own. Dr Rice will probably get the position of SOS. She will do a wonderful job. I personally believe the fight against this comes in two issues. 1. The Democrats want to block anyone that Bush may actually want in any position because voting against the person is voting against Bush. and 2. It looks bad for the party who is suppose to be filled with racist to select a minority women to one of the highest offices our country has. The Democrats are suppose to be the party of minoritys but it is the Republicans pushing for an African-American Women for SOS.

For Information on Dr Rice go to this fast check facts on foxnews.com.

Tuesday, January 18, 2005

Including God in your marriage

Submitting To Your Husband
The last week, I have seen this topic brought up for debate on many boards. Not all, but many Christian couples work differently then the "norm."

A friend on a Christian board used a good analogy this week. She said, Her husband is the pilot and she is the co-pilot. Both can drive the plane....But only one can drive it at a time. Yet, Both are needed. That is a great analogy of marriage. Only one person can make the hard choices. In many Christian marriages, this is left up to the husband. The wife does submit, but only in the way that.... She gives her input, and then the husband prays on the issue and submits it to God. And then the husband makes the decision based on God's will.

I have no problem letting my husband decide the big things. What kind of new car we will buy. When were we really done having children. Where are we going to move and live. I gave my input. He took that into consideration. And then, after praying on it... Made the decisions. I have faith in his choices. And more then that, I have faith in his choices and walk with God.

My husband does not tell me what to do, for that would not be God's way. But God made us partners. We are help-mates. Man was not whole without women. So God created women. He gave man, women...So, that man should not be alone. We are partners in God's work.

Submitting to God
We are God's servants. It is our job as Christians to fall on our knees and beg to let us be worthy enough to be His servant. God has given us the ultimate gift, Eternal Life. And what do we give him instead? We beg Him to take our sin and make us clean again.

Last Sunday, our preacher preached on Jesus baptism. To be there. To run after Christ and start your life new again in His love and His teachings. But the wonderful thing about giving your life to God is you are made new again. The person you were, is no longer. You are a new person in Christ love. The chance to wash the slate clean and start over. Because God loves us that much.

But we have to serve God. We have to do as He commands. We have to do His work here on earth. And we have to give our lives to His service.

Everyday, I fall to my knees and beg God. "Please Lord. Today. Let me be Your vessel. Let me do Your will." I hope that people see God, through my acts. I hope they feel closer to Him, by my words.

It always amazes me, when people who call Christians names call us Sheep. God called us His Sheep first. God is our shepherd. Like dumb sheep, we would walk right off a cliff and into sin without God's loving hand to guide us. How wonderful it is to be one of God's flock. Those who use that to demean do not understand God's love or His gift of eternal life.

Friday, January 14, 2005

Life Lessons

There are a lot of lessons I have learned in my life. I shared a piece of advice with a young lady today. She is expecting her first child...and we had a small baby shower for her.

  • No matter what someone says about your baby or your parenting...turn it around into something good.
When somene tells you. "Wow, look how chubby your baby is." You say "Yes, He is such a great eater, we are so lucky." When someone says, "Boy, does your baby eat? She is very small." You say, "Arnt we lucky we will not have to worry about them being obese?" If someone says, "Boy, your baby has a big head." You say, "Yep, it is to hold that wonderful big brain. Our baby is so smart." See?

A few other great pieces of advice include...
  • When you search for the good in people, you will always find it. When you search for the bad in people, that too you will always find.
  • Dont expect others to change whats wrong, if you are not willing to change it yourself.
  • Always treat others as you would want them to treat you. There is no gaurentee they will treat you the same, but at least you know that you did the right thing.
  • Do not ever search for approval in others. They will never fail to let you down.
  • Don't ever do anything to hurt someone on purpose. It will only hurt you in the long run.
  • Always be able the first to say you are sorry. You never know what tomorrow holds. You may not get the chance if you wait too long.
  • Its better to say you are sorry even if you feel you were not wrong completely. If you hold a grudge, it means carrying around anger. Anger weighs you down.
  • Grief never ends, but the pain does lessen over time.
  • Expect the best from people, but realize they are human and make mistakes too.
We all search for meaning to life. One of my favorite song lines is by Faith Hill. She sings "The Secret of life is there ain't no secret. And you dont get your money back."

Tuesday, January 11, 2005

A Few Pictures


Siblings



Late for the Ball



Desert Rain

Monday, January 10, 2005

Some Interesting Constitutional Facts

  • Jefferson was American Minister to France at the time of the Constitutional Convention.
  • In addition to the lawyers, there were soldiers, planters, educators, ministers, physicians, financiers, and merchants who made up the constitutional convention.
  • Two of the deputies from New York left on July 10, 1787, and after that Hamilton, the third deputy, when he was in attendance did not attempt to cast the vote of his State. The New Hampshire deputies did not arrive until July 23, 1787; so that there never was a vote of more than eleven States.
  • Benjamin Franklin, of Pennsylvania was the "Sage of the Constitutional Convention"
  • James Madison, of Virginia, because in point of erudition and actual contributions to the formation of the Constitution he was preeminent...was the "Father of the Constitution"
  • In none of the relatively meager records of the Constitutional Convention is the literary authorship of any part of the Constitution definitely established. The deputies debated proposed plans until, on July 24, 1787, substantial agreement having been reached, a Committee of Detail was appointed, consisting of John Rutledge, of South Carolina; Edmund Randolph, of Virginia; Nathaniel Gorham, of Massachusetts; Oliver Ellsworth, of Connecticut; and James Wilson, of Pennsylvania, who on August 6 reported a draft which included a Preamble and twenty-three articles, embodying fifty-seven sections. Debate continued until September 8, when a new Committee of Style was named to revise the draft. This committee included William Samuel Johnson, of Connecticut; Alexander Hamilton, of New York; Gouverneur Morris, of Pennsylvania; James Madison, of Virginia; and Rufus King, of Massachusetts, and they reported the draft in approximately its final shape on September 12. The actual literary form is believed to be largely that of Morris, and the chief testimony for this is in the letters and papers of Madison, and Morris's claim. However, the document in reality was builded slowly and laboriously, with not a piece of material included until it has been shaped and approved. The preamble was written by the Committee of Style.
  • George Washington did not sign the Declaration of Indepedence because He had been appointed Commander-in-Chief of the Continental Army more than a year before and was at the time with the army in New York City.
  • The Senate Journal narrates the first Presidental Inauguration as follows: "The House of Representatives, preceded by their Speaker, came into the Senate Chamber, and took the seats assigned them; and the joint Committee, preceded by their Chairman, agreeably to order, introduced the President of the United States to the Senate Chamber, where he was received by the Vice President, who conducted him to the Chair; when the Vice President informed him, that 'The Senate and House of Representatives were ready to attend him to take the oath required by the Constitution, and that it would be administered by the Chancellor of the State of New-York'--To which the President replied, he was ready to proceed:--and being attended to the gallery in front of the Senate Chamber, by the Vice President and Senators, the Speaker and Representatives, and the other public characters present, the oath was administered.--After which the Chancellor proclaimed, 'Long live George Washington, President of the United States.' The President having returned to his seat, after a short pause, arose and addressed the Senate and House of Representatives . . . The President, the Vice President, the Senate and House of Representatives, &c. then proceeded to St. Paul's Chapel, where divine service was performed by the Chaplain of Congress, after which the President was conducted to his house, by the Committee appointed for that purpose."
  • The book which had the greatest influence upon the members of the Constitutional Convention was Montesquieu's Spirit of Laws, which first appeared in 1748. The great French philosopher had, however, in turn borrowed much of his doctrine from the Englishman John Locke, with whose writings various members of the Convention were also familiar.
  • The people had all their rights and liberties before they made the Constitution. The Constitution was formed, among other purposes, to make the people's liberties secure-- secure not only as against foreign attack but against oppression by their own government. They set specific limits upon their national government and upon the States, and reserved to themselves all powers that they did not grant. The Ninth Amendement declares: "The enumeration in the Constitution, of certain rights, shall not be construed to deny or disparage others retained by the people."

We the People of the United States, in Order to form a more perfect Union, establish Justice, insure domestic Tranquility, provide for the common defense, promote the general Welfare, and secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves and our Posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America.

Sunday, January 09, 2005

Feminism Today

This article appeared on ABC News.com. The title of the article is Feminists Face Tough Times After Election. I am here to tell NOW, you do not speak for me as a women.

"The issue isn't whether they're mean-spirited or anti-women," Greenberger said. "What I do see is an administration with policies that are fundamentally out of touch with what women really need. … They have other priorities that consistently outweigh and trump the everyday concerns that women have."


It is funny that this adminstration is so out of touch with reality. More people in america consider themselves pro-life, then did just 5 years ago. More people are finding abortion to be what it is. Barbaric and Murder. More women are CHOOSING to stay home and raise thier family. More women are making the choice of thier family's over thier carreer. More women are looking for ways to work from home, so they can be there when thier children return from school. More parents as a whole are homeschooling thier children and that means having one parent at home to do that job. The size of the family is growing. There are more familys with medium to larger familys vs the "norm" of 1-2.

Is there a chance the reason that most of the people who find themselves in this situation voted for the conservative candidate? They voted for President Bush because the conservative stance on most issues favored these familys.

More women in america are holding higher positions in the job market. And beyond that, while womens pay does not equal mens yet....we have made great strides towards making it equal.

These women do not want to face the fact that, there are jobs that one sex just can not do. Women do not have the physical ability to carry a machine gun for 30 miles in combat. Some men can not do that job. But a man can not lactate either. So, it is impossible for him to nurse a baby. We can each do only what we can with the body we are given. We need to do the job that we are best eqiuped to do. And when a women chooses the job she is best equiped to do is stay home and take care of her children....she should not be treated as a women who hates all other women. Or a women who is being "put down" by society.


Saturday, January 08, 2005

Giving and Being Stingy....



Americans continue to give. Why? The nations affected by this horrible disaster support terrorism and yet we give. The picture above...focus on the guy with the Bin Laden T-shirt.

And what does the United States get in return for thier gifts? We get called Stingy and degraded by the world. Even by some American citizens! So, why do Americans reach deep into thier pockets and continue to give? Why does our government reach deep into our pockets and continue to give too?

America as a nation is a great deal like Christianity. Christians are degraded. Called names. They are treated like the bad guy. After all, here in America they are the evil majority. But despite the nasty things that are said, they continue to go into the world and do good deeds.



This sunday my church will be taking an offering to send to the Victems of the Tsunami. At this point the money raised across the United States is amazing. Private Citizens donating from thier own pockets.

Why? Because it is the right thing to do. It all boils down to that one line. What other people and nations think and say matters not. What does matter is doing what is right. Always, searching your heart and even if you help your enemy doing it because it is the right thing to do.

We are all human beings. We have different beliefs. We have different goals. But acting out of love can never be wrong. Despite the people you are trying to help, hating you.

Friday, January 07, 2005

The Deeper Me

I have always known I was different. Maybe a bit more guarded. I am a complicated person. I build walls around my heart and myself to avoid getting hurt....again. I think differently. I feel deeply about everything. I wear all my emotions right out for people to see, but I never tell people the real things about me. The deeper things. The things that would allow them to hurt me.

My mama used to tell me, "Sabrina Lynn, You wear your heart on your sleeve like a badge for the whole world to see. But when you stick your heart out there; where people can touch and feel it, its bound to get broken." These days, I watch my son do the same thing. The physical pain of watching him risk his heart....it brings me to my knees. Now, I know how she felt. How it was watching your child so different from everyone else, go into the world.

Everytime I have ever had my IQ tested, the lowest I tested was 142. Amazing since I have a reading disability. But I never failed English. Not once in my life. I would get on papers everytime A for Content and a D or F for spelling and grammer. Mrs. Burke, My 12th grade english teacher and my American Novel teacher, told me one time..."You have such creative ideas, pet. Now if you could just learn to spell them correctly." I can read the same passage as everyone else and find 10 things in it that everyone else missed. My whole life, I have never really had to try hard to do well. But it is like my brain never shuts off. And when I am not learning actively, I go into emotional overload.

My biggest fault and the best thing about me, I always think I am right. Always. And I never change my position even when I am wrong. When I stand up for people though, I do the same thing. I never turn my back on someone.

I have a theory about life. IF you go into the world and look for the bad in people...you will ALWAYS find it. But by the same token. If you go into the world and seek out the good in people...you will ALWAYS find it. We see in people what we want to see. Not what is really there. Because if we are honest with ourselves, every person is both good and bad. Which do you want to focus on?

I do not have a lot of friends. Well, that is not excatly true. Every friend I have made in my life...was the lifetime type of friend. Meaning, I can go months or years without seeing them. But when I do talk to them...it is as though we were never apart.

Mr Bennet, my 8th grade english teacher taught me what the defintion of a friend is. He said, "A friend is when you love someone, care about them, wish only good things for them. And then if you go away for 2 weeks, 2 months or 2 years...when you see them again, its as though you never left them. You still love them, care for them and wish them only good things. And in your life, you will only have 3 to 5 real friends."

Mr Bennet was wrong for me. I have lived in so many places. Most places I have lived, I had at least one of those friends. In college, I had several all at once.

I guess what I should say is, I am not like most females. Females as a whole, do not like to be told the honest truth. They seek out the truth, but would rather not know. I tend to tell people what I really think without sugar coating it. Maybe that is why in my life, I have had more male friends then female friends. Many more male friends then female friends.

My husband laughs. Last night, we had this long discussion on being alone in the world. Since my mom died, 5 years ago this year, I have been alone. I have stopped letting people get close enough to hurt me. Brian lucked out. I knew him before my mom died. And he was already my best friend before that happened. But unconciously, I stopped making those "best friends" at that point in my life. I am involved in all these types of organizations IRL, and online boards for parents, and even local boards on occassion...but I stopped letting people get to that deeper me. So, I stopped making that one very best friend whereever I went. And now, I barely have acquantances. But I just do not know how to open my heart back up and let people in.

I have always been a fairly active person. I tend to not just join in, but take over. Again, that is part of my personality. I am a driven person. Sometimes, I feel like there are so many mask to hide behind. I just get lost in the going from one to the next. Lately, I just feel like I never get to be just me. And the more I search for "just me", the further I get from happiness. Existing in a numb state is so much easier, then forcing yourself to deal with 1000 emotions at once. Do not get me wrong. They are not all bad emotions. But it is overwhelming none the less.

It is easier, just to be a mom. Just to be a wife. It is easier for others to see that me, rather then seek out who I really am. If only I could figure out a way to be me, without showing the world who I really am with all the emotions that go with it.

Thursday, January 06, 2005

Trash on TV

I have to admit from the onset that one of my favorite shows is Overhaulin. But I do not consider it like the rest of these stupid reality tv shows. These shows do little more then show the worst side of human beings. It makes me sick.

One of the big news storys this week was Fox pulling a reality TV show about an adopted girl finding her father. The twist being that she chooses him out of like several men.

The first season of survivor, the show played on the emotions of the women missing her children. Granted, it was her choice to go on this stupid show. But we have taken this too far as a society. I realize people watch these shows. It still makes me sick. I am dissapointed in family members and friends who would watch these trashy tv shows. Shows that just further degrade fellow human beings for profit.

I do understand people volunteer to go on these shows. But Why? I just really do not understand the thinking behind someone going on one of these shows. Win a lot of money? hmm..work hard. Earn your money. You are earning the millions by selling your pride by going on one of these shows.

Survivor, Big Brother, The biggest loser, Who wants to Marry a millionare, The bachelor, etc... These shows are a sad statement about what has become our normal society and culture in america. You can make a million too. All you have to do is degrade yourself to do it. Sad.

Wednesday, January 05, 2005

A Strange Thing Happened Yesterday.....

Not that strange things do not often happen to me, But I got an email from someone I did not know. Well, they never really identified who they were. They just ask me "What happened to Auggie?" and "How come the telnet is not working?"

So, I emailed them back and told them what I knew. That the computer was having problems that auggie ran on. And as far as I knew it was gone forever. Sad, but true. I told them where to go to find the "angst" group at Eagles Nest and how several of the parents from the site have formed there own web based board.

But, It got me thinking and created something more. A place where there could maybe be updates on those old members. I keep in touch with a few, I know Jen keeps in touch with a few others. Others too who come and go keep in touch with some people but have lost touch with others.

A few months ago I ran into a old auggie person on a conservative online board before the election. She was one of the few females I got along with pretty well, who did not go to my college.

I met Brian online and while we ran in the same circle of people on the BBS, we each went to school with a different group. Leading to even now, keeping in touch here or there with several people.

My idea is a blog of updates on all those long lost people. Hopefully, Andrea and Jen will help me. They both met thier spouses on auggie too.

Maybe someone will be able to find out what is going on with MJ and King and how they are adjusting to life with 2. And I really am interested to find out if Julie had her baby and how she is doing. Julie is the dragon mommy after all.

I wonder if Leo would kill me If I updated everyone on his life? hmmm....I will have to msg him and I will have to bug Karla to write something about her own life right now that I can update people on. She is afterall, making a great fresh start. I am sure people would love to send some positive vibes her way. I really miss her. I hope she does get to come visit me soon. Nobody else would swear I got them drunk then made them walk 30 miles. Of course it was a whole 30 feet from the party to my dorm room. But hey, what do drunk college students know right?

How many people have gone astray....some, they wanted to just disappear. But they never really did. Because they reached out and touched our lives. When someone changes your life, you just dont forget about them.

Tuesday, January 04, 2005

Sick Germs

The germs have invaded our house. We are all sick with a cough and cold. My son has a sinus infection and will probably have to have his adnoids out. And my youngest has an ear infection. Arn't secondary infections a wonderful thing?

No matter what we do, It is like we can not avoid the germs. The auto-immune drugs promise I will get sick. By the time it is done, everyone has had it and I have had it twice.

Germs Germs, go away. Dont ever come back my way. :)


A Few Abortion Statistics

# In 54 countries abortions are legal.
# In 97 countries abortions are illegal.

Nearly half of all abortions are obtained by women who have already had at least one abortion. In 1994 and 1995, women who had already had 3 or more abortions obtained 7%, or nearly 100,000, abortions each year.

According to a USA Today, CNN Gallup Poll in May, 1999 - 16% of Americans believe abortion should be legal for any reason at any time during pregnancy and 55% of American believe abortion should be legal only to save the life of the mother or in cases of rape or incest.

Also...A June 1999 Wirthlin poll found that 62% of Americans support legal abortion in only three or fewer circumstances: when the pregnancy results from rape or incest or when it threatens the life of the mother.

In a study in NY State. women who had an abortion vs women who had a live birth previously, were 3 times more likely to have labor complications. They were.. 1.5 times more likely to experiance a newborn death. And almost 1.7 times more likely to have a miscarriage later on.

The vast majority of all abortions performed today are done for social, not medical reasons -- because a woman doesn’t feel ready for a baby at the time, because her partner wants her to have an abortion, etc. Approximately 93% of all induced abortions are done for elective, non-medical reasons such as these.

Abortion ends a pregnancy by destroying and removing the developing child. That baby’s heart has already begun to beat by the time the mother misses her period and begins to wonder if she might be pregnant (about 31 days after the mother’s last menstrual period or LMP). Surgical abortions are usually not performed before seven weeks, or 49 days LMP. By that time, the baby has identifiable arms and legs (day 45) and displays measurable brain waves (about 40 days). During the seventh through the tenth weeks, when the majority of abortions are performed, fingers and genitals appear and the child’s face is recognizably human.

There is strong evidence that abortion increases the risk of breast cancer. A study of more than 1,800 women appearing in the Journal of the National Cancer Institute in 1994 found that overall, women having abortions increased their risk of getting breast cancer before age 45 by 50%. For women under 18 with no previous pregnancies, having an abortion after the 8th week increased the risk of breast cancer 800%. Women with a family history of breast cancer fared even worse. All 12 women participating in the study who had abortions before 18 and had a family history of breast cancer themselves got cancer before age 45

In September 1995 Louisiana became the first U.S. state to require abortion clinics to inform potential patients that induced abortions may increase breast cancer risk. In no other state (or in Canada) are women warned that there is even a possibility of a link between abortion and cancer.

Over 200 women have died from legal abortions since 1973.