I just always feel so overwhelmed by the sacrifice Jesus made for us. All of us. Yesterday, I went to choir with a very heavy and issue laden heart. It has been a little stressful lately. The kids are sick, my sister is really worrying me, birthdays, and brian covering more shifts then I care to think about because of sick employees. But when I went in there..and we started singing some of the songs we are singing for this holiday season...I just felt those cares being lifted away. One by one until when I left...after cake to celebrate my birthday with the choir....I sat in my car and cried. Because God is so great. That He cares so much about me, He took my cares one by one and lifted them away.
And the more I thought about it, that is what this season is about. Jesus coming to take each of our sins and lift them from us. Giving His own life in exchange for them.
One of the songs we are singing....I have a story. and now everytime I sing this song....this story resounds in my mind. Our preacher...is also our choir director. He studyed music. He has the most amazing voice. He traveled to the holy land. And while he was there...One of the places he and his wife went to...was this cave like area where Jesus would of "stood trial"....they would take and lower him down into this little area between questioning. In that little cave....there is a shadow on the wall. A shadow of a person kneeling with thier arms outstretched. They have tried for centurys to scrub from the wall that holy image. It remains. When they were touring...The guide ask Jim (our preacher) what song He could sing in that room. He sang this song we are singing.
The song is called "In this very room". The song has 3 parts. The first is...in this very room there is quite enough love for one like me. the 2nd is ...in this very room there is quite enough love for all of us...and last in this very room there is quite enough love for the world. In that very room, Christ prepared to to die for us. The love for us, His followers. He prepared to give His life for ours so that we may never die and have ever lasting life.
“In this very room there’s quite enough love for one like me and in this very
room there is quite enough joy for one like me and there is quite enough hope
and quite enough power to chase away any gloom,
For Jesus, Lord Jesus is in
this very room."
Matthew 18:20. ‘Where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them.’
I always feel touched so much deeper on Easter then at Christmas. We are in the season of Lent. I always think of Lent as the preperation. At Christmas to prepare for Christ coming...we hang the greens and celebrate. But at Easter...when we are talking about preparing for Christ coming...first we must suffer through the loss of His death. And to me...that is why Lent is a time of reflection. When I leave Ash Wednesday Services I always feel overwhelmed with Death on the cross coming. By Maundy Thursday when we prepare to celebrate the feast in the upper room, I feel the Confusion the disciples surely felt. By Good Friday, my heart aches for the significance of the loss. And by Easter Morning as I awake to the sunrise, I understand that I will never love as deeply as God loves. By Pentecost I think most of the world is getting back to thier lives, But then I am reminded again...Now, I must be Jesus Disciple, because He has revealed to me His love.
In the Methodist Church, Christ is never on the Cross. The church's feeling about this is....We serve a risen King. But one of the things we do on Maundy Thursday...We have a large wooden cross that stands in our sactuary during this time of year. After we participate in the feast....We take our names and write them on a piece of paper. Then....we nail them to the cross. We promise to hang with Christ on that cross by giving Him our lives to serve Him.
And all I kept thinking about last night...Here I am promising to give my life to God and to His only son Jesus Christ....and here He is...lifting my cares from my heart. Surely, I do not deserve such love. Surely, He knows I am not worthy..and yet, He loves me just the same. He cares about each of those little things weighing on my heart, in my insignificant life. But to Him, no life is insignificant.
My sister said something that broke my heart this week. She is getting worn down. She said, she thinks that when her son turns 18...she will die. She is hurting so bad. But this week ....through all that...she said..."God does not love me." And that was one of the things weighing on my heart. But He does love her. I do not know how I can show her it is true. But my heart aches for what she is missing out on right now. I feel so lucky to have this...and I feel so sad that she can not see that she is truely loved. And even in this...God conforted me. I do not know what the answer is, but I know she is the first person I need to show God's love to right now. Not the love of a sister...but a sister of Christ.
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