My Other Terrific Child

I did not get to post this, But My son was a Kwananis Terrific Kid for November. He is a really good kid and I am not suprised. I am very proud of him for all the way he has come with the whole school thing. He as always exceeded my expectations for him. He reminds me a lot of me in a lot of ways. Always wanting to do it right. But this is not about him.

From before my oldest daughter/my second child was born....there was this strife between us. My son was just 8 months old when I got pregnant and I resented what would be an intrusion on this special relationship, He and I had. I came to accept, that ...if it was a boy...it was ok. I would be giving him a brother to play with and grow with and be his best friend. Only, It was a girl.

Then, I had premature labor and had my labor stopped. I could not take care of my then 16 month old son, and he was sent to stay with grandma for 2 weeks. I cried and cried. I had not been away from him. And then this almost perfect baby girl was born. Only, she could not retain her body heat, and she was so small and could not latch on to the breast good. And she could not catch her breathe on her own...and I did not want to love her because I was afraid I would lose her.

Then came a moment of clarity. On day 14 after her birth, she went to the doctors for her checkup. He rushed us to the hospital and admitted her for failure to thrive. She had not regained her body weight and was very jaundice. The whole way to the hospital I cried my heart out. Because, the unthinkable had happened. Even if I lost her, I already loved her more then I loved myself. She had snuck in to my PDD and captured my heart and I could not live without her. When she was admitted at 14 days she weighed a whole 5 lbs and 14 oz. I sat there that night holding her and crying. Waiting for God to heal my heart and heal her. We left the next day and she was doing better. We had a consultation with a lactation consultant and my princess was ok. And We came away working on the strife between us. Her to learn to nurse from me, Me...opening my heart to loving her with all I had.

At 4 months, Brianna was trying to crawl. It was a tale of what would become our daughter. She would push up on all 4's go 2 steps and lay down and take a 10-20 min nap. Then do it all over again, until she got it. I love that story, because that is my daughter today.

Last sunday in church, she got up and ran around the pews in the sanctuary during church. We were not calling her a terrific kid. The older people in the church did not help because they laughed and laughed and hugged her and then came to us and told us "I am so happy to see she feels comfortable here. That this place belongs to her." and "I am sorry, but it is so cute when it is someone elses child." She beats to her own drummer. She dances to her own music. And She loves without boundaries. She is of her own mind and never follows the crowd.

She is the child I most admire and wish I was like. I worry about her future, but I know that she will never do something to just follow the crowd. The mistakes she makes will be her own, and she will find a way to do it herself. I see great things for her future, and I am lucky to have her as a terrific kid.