A day in the Day

So, what does that mean? Lol. I have no idea. I have just been thinking a lot lately about the past and the future.

My grandma is still really sick. 2 months of Pneamnoia and now congestive heart failure. My youngest daughter is showing signs that she may have JRA..as I had as a child. I have been thinking a lot about my mom lately, and wondering how she did it. And thinking about what in the world I want to do when my children go to school. And I need to clean in the worst way. This last week has not left a lot of time for cleaning and our house goes from clean to disaster so quickly because it is so small.

The weather turned cold this week. I always loved fall. The cooling off...and today we got to wear long sleeves. But it always makes me think of the park near where I went to college. There were ducks there. And we would walk down and feed the ducks bread that we took with us from the cafeteria. I miss that park. It brought me a lot of peace. There was alittle covered bridge there. And whether I went alone or with a friend, I always found peace there.

I have been thinking a lot about my friends from college. I just seemed to have drifted away from them. Actually, I am not real good at friendships anymore. I have one real friend locally. But we have been kind of forced together and that has made us friends. A lot of the older people in the church are very kind to me..and I know they care. But it is different.

My sister and I are friends now. That is a unique thing. I treasure her. Because she understands me in some ways not at all, and in some ways better then anyone else.

And there is Brian. Right now we are struggling. Our youngest wont walk. There is a chance she may have JRA too. And...It is killing me. It is breaking my heart. I know he loves me, but sometimes he seems so distant when we are so stressed out. I need laproscopic surgery. I have a cyst on each side..and i just.. I feel like I need a vacation. Just a little one. Brianna fell and broke her nose last week. I just can not take much more right now.

And yet, I know God is holding me close. I feel His wonderful presence right now in my life. I feel Him calling me to stand up a little straighter and know He is behind me guiding me. Giving me strength. How special it is, to feel Him in your life.