A study in Me....

Richard Cory
by Edwin Arlington Robinson, 1869-1935

Whenever Richard Cory went down town,
We people on the pavement looked at him;

He was a gentleman from sole to crown,
Clean favored, and imperially slim.


And he was always quietly arrayed,
And he was always human when he talked;

But still he fluttered pulses when he said,
“Good-morning,” and he glittered when he walked.


And he was rich—yes, richer than a king—
And admirably schooled in every grace:

In fine, we thought that he was everything
To make us wish that we were in his place.


So on we worked, and waited for the light,
And went without the meat, and cursed the bread;

And Richard Cory, one calm summer night,
Went home and put a bullet through his head.

This is my favorite poem, I am just going to copy and paste what I wrote in a post on why...

I am a very closed off person . I can acknowledge that about myself. I let people in as far as I want..and then i have this giant wall that people seem to ram into. It is why I do not have a lot of close friends, but i have a ton of acquantiances. I have been through a lot in my life, and it is very very very hard for me to just let people into that last part of who I am. I hate that part of myself. And yet... I do not feel confident enough to let down that wall. People always think they know so much about me, until they get to that really really close part..where the wall is and then suddenly they feel like they do not actually know anything about me at all. I can not tell you the number of times I have seen that happen in my life.

It is a vicious cycle of my own making. And yet, one I am not really sure I can ever do away with. It got worse after my mom died...because I moved up where I slammed the wall down. I do not think I have made more then a handful of what I would even consider real friends in the last 11 years since she died. Before that I would walk into social situations and be the life of the party so to speak. Open, friendly, etc.. Its weird...bc that is how people describe me IRL. And it is not the me, I see. Even with my husband...once in a while he breaks down part of that wall...and I fall to pieces bc its so hard letting go of that. I used to say, I know I will have found Mr right when after 40 years, He really does know everything about me. Brian was already one of my best friends before we started dating...so I think he still feel's side swiped sometimes when something from behind the wall bubbles to the front after all this time. We have known each other for 15 years.

I know it all sounds crazy...but that is why I love that poem.